nourish the spirit

Ponder this

2012-01-26T02:41:00.001-05:00

When you think about your past do you focus on the bad or are you really critical of yourself versus more often than focusing on the good things you've accomplished? When examining your life what do you think God focuses on?

Highlights of the day (For the girls only)

2012-01-24T01:44:00.000-05:00

Ok ladies, for those of you who love to workout I know you'll understand. I've been taking a class at a gym, a circuit training class that rotates between the treadmill, cycle, row, arm crank, TRX, step 360 and anything else they want to throw at us such as burpees, push ups, plank, squats and lunges. We wear heart rate monitors so we can keep track of our zones of intensity. I love this class, used to complain about the biggest loser because I can't afford a personal trainer. Now I have four of them. As usual, I was really looking forward to getting my butt kicked until I realized I forgot my sports bra. Then I started thinking about my exit strategy. As if on cue my coach walked into the locker room and asked how I was doing. Clearly not so good, so she rummaged through her bag and pulled out a sports bra. Then said, "I'm an A." I said "well clearly I'm not." all the while thinking you're giving yourself credit for being an A b/c you are a flat as a board bad ass triathlete (which I know has nothing to do with it but it crossed my mind). So yes folks I was desperate to work out so I wore my coaches sports bra. Kind made me feel like I was a bad ass triathlete too, but we have time to get there later.

Small gifts

2012-01-22T02:43:00.002-05:00

So as I was holding the bread and juice tonight I realized I could have neither. No sugar and no grain. As I sat there holding the elements wondering what I was going to do with them it dawned on me the error of my thought. There is nothing bigger or more powerful than our Lord. So I prayed for blessing, that I would not get sick, that this bread and this juice would give me life and not take a piece of if from me. That is exactly what He wants, for us to draw closer to him. Tonight the fear of putting a tiny piece of bread and small cup of juice hit me like a ton of bricks, but the prayer and releasing that ton was instantly healing. I am ok, I will be ok. I feel it, it is a gift.

Highlights of the day

2012-01-18T02:05:00.001-05:00

I've decided to start incorporating small highlights of my day to my blogs. Not that I blog often but I find the more I think about it the more I realize how much these highlights are really answers to prayer. So why not write them down in a place so I can refer back to them. Of course in my life, some are just down right amusing.

I had a follow up call with a nurse today. A lot of my labs look pretty are in the normal range which is good. The one borderline is insulin which in issues with high cholesterol or triglycerides could lead to diabetes. They think mine can be controlled with diet because the other indicators are in the normal range. Phew! So one more thing to check off as a reason for this diet and toxin cleanse. Best news is I found out I could have unsweetened cocoa. So I drove straight to natural pantry after work and bought me some cocoa so I could come home to make hot chocolate with almond milk and stevia. I have to admit it was pretty dang good and my belly loves the yummy chocolate! So I haven't had any negative symptoms that the dr explained would likely happen. Today the nurse said count my blessings, I'm one of a few. Ok, I will :).

After work I received a call from a teammate asking my opinion on going outside tonight. We had the option of running with team in training alumni where temps hovered around zero or skiing with the team where temps were dipping well below zero. NEITHER and I repeat NO WAY NO HOW do I want to be exercising outside in that. I'll take my indoor class tomorrow. She thanked me.

The comical thing happened at Bible Study tonight. Apparently there's a men's retreat this weekend at the church where I attend Bible Study and there is also one for the men at my church as well. I chuckle because every time I've heard an advertisement for a men's retreat in AK they always say there will be guns and we'll launch things into the air. To be perfectly honest, last Wednesday we watched a video promo for high school winter camp and there was kids shooting guns in that one too. Alaskans really do love their guns!?!

Brief Update

2012-01-16T02:18:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to pass along that well, it's cold up here :). I was extremely excited about learning to skate ski in December but since then I've only gone once. Between the dumping of snow 12 inches at a time there has been subzero temperatures. Let's face the obvious, I'll never be outside exercising in that. Hopefully I'll get out tomorrow for the holiday.

Work is going really well. for the past few months I've been part of some extremely important policy documents. This week I wrote the most important/controversial part of plan and now that part is out for expert review. The next few months will be really busy here. Two projects were delayed and one has stayed on track, but now they are all on the same track. Good news is that I'm not feeling overwhelmed yet and I still don't ever bring work home. My time is my time.

I've still been having health issues. Several doctors, several tests, a diagnosis of an autoimmune disease with treatment of symptoms, well over a year and more symptoms later still searching. I saw another dr in Houston over Christmas and he ran some more tests of which I'll find some of the results tomorrow. So far I know that my insulin level was borderline high. He has a hunch that everything could potentially be related if we alter my body with diet and ridding some toxic growth. So now I'm on the candida diet, basically yeast overgrowth, for three months. I'm taking medication to eliminate toxins and also probiotics to replace the die off. I'm learning a lot more about foods and how to use them together. I'm also just praying for my health because I know I'm not in complete control. I've also been blessed that my roommate is mostly on this diet and my friend at work gave me some cookbooks to start working with. Two months and one week left, but I can eat fruit in one more week and then eat oats, sweet potato and brown rice after the first month.

Well that's about it for the update other than Sydney is a weak excuse for a winter dog. She still can't handle it too much. So our walks are brief and she's put on a bit of weight. Can't wait for spring running season!

miss all my friends everywhere.

love this song

2011-09-12T01:51:00.000-04:00

On so many levels, this song speaks to my heart.

God encounter

2011-09-07T02:10:00.006-04:00

Tonight a met a young woman who is desperate for community and Godly friends. She has in her mind the character of the Lord and really strives to live that out. The thing about this woman that struck me was that we both ended up at the same Bible study by chance (not the same study I mentioned in my previous post). I found out about it in a weird sort of round about way, and she found out about it from another girl who walked up to her in church and said hello. We both attend different churches and neither of our churches is the host church for this group. And during the typical blah blah blah where are you from small talk we discovered that she (from Clemson, parents started Crosspoint), graduated last year and is best friends with a girl Lisa who was in my house church. Whoa, look at God and Anchorage bringing up at least three people from the same location in the last year.

On a side note please say a prayer for Lisa and her family as her father just passed away recently.

photos of the week: from a hike up the Harding Icefield trail with Avery.

women unite

2011-08-30T02:22:00.003-04:00

The women's ministry at my church is off the hook (if I'm allowed to use those words). There was a women's ministry fair tonight coupled with a dinner, worship and message by our new women's pastor. Now we have two, both who play the role of speaking for women's needs, counseling and mentoring women and guiding a ministry in which God answered my prayer tonight.

This year has been a year of showing up. After leaving DCF I felt like I needed a break from serving, and that I needed to be poured into. I found a wonderful small group and inherited about 6 new sets of parents who shelter me, but my heart still longed to "fit in." As women we need unity, we need community, we need to be invited, we need to feel wanted, we are waiting to be loved.

Tonight I felt the Lord lay before the preparations. The green pastures, the still waters the table were all there. The plan He set forth for me was initiated long before I arrived and he is still here waiting with loving arms wide open. Tonight I learned that there are 5 women from Team in Training that attend Faith Christian Community. One of which was at my table and boldly said to our table that she is not ready to serve in a ministry because she's still learning how to be a widow (Leukemia). I also learned that the TEAM 3:14 club that you see in races all over the country are people who you can stop on a race course and ask them to pray for you. WOW, AMAZING! We all need prayer on those long runs :). And please pray for my new friend Virginia who in losing her husband she has also lost many of her married friends because as she said "they don't want to spend time with me because I represent every woman's biggest fear."

Above all, a women got up to speak about her calling and her Bible study. She leads a single women's group because (in the stereotypical world) those of us who graduate, join the working world and don't get married typically are labeled as having something wrong with us. God put on her heart this ministry. Out the window is the last 11 months of feeling as though there is no place I fit in and in it's place is a new chapter of my life. God's whisper of show up has revealed that I don't have much to offer, but golly I'm so blessed. All I have to do is bring myself and God has already done the rest.

Lana is her name and I love her already because she reminds me of Shannon. We meet on Wednesdays, there's always snacks but it's an eat before you come situation. However, her kitchen is open to make whatever you need to feed yourself. I'll probably show up some time and make dinner for everyone. Also the door is open, we start at 7:00ish and end at 9:30ish, but you don't have to leave if you don't want to. Come on, if that doesn't have Hayes hospitality, or the best expression of the Lord's character written all over it then tell me otherwise.

Photo of the week. It's fall in Denali: If you want to purchase a magnet or mounted signed print I'm selling my work to raise money for Leukemia and Lymphoma. I'll be adding a few photos every week, let me know if anything strikes you.

on the verge

2011-08-11T02:13:00.006-04:00

I've been feeling on the verge of tears lately. Maybe it's the sudden departure of all those visitors that graced my presence over the last few months. Maybe it's the fact that I'm packing again. Maybe it's the fact that I no longer have to deal with terrible neighbors. Maybe it's the sense creeping up that I still am longing for deep friendship. Whatever it is, bring on the waterworks. I don't need to hold tight to these things and if tears bring them out then bring it on. I feel some sort of tears will come soon because of the many odd reminders of why I need to move again.

For instance, I've been waiting patiently to do my laundry since Sunday. Today I finally had to go in and do some, only the laundry room made me sick. I could not get to the washing machine and notice the water is backed up. Not only is it backed up but it is DIRTY. Weird though because the drain hose doesn't even go in that side of the sink. So I decided laundry must wait until Friday. Start of move in day. Literally I'll probably move my dirty clothes first and then wash them. Likely when the tears of joy and relief will flow. Driving by the new home makes me smile. I can relax. I'm signing a lease tomorrow. Welcome home Sydney. Now time to figure out how to get stuff up from SC.

Berries

2011-07-31T22:21:00.003-04:00

There's nothing like fresh berries, especially when you can pick them in your backyard.

A week of rainbows

2011-07-31T01:50:00.007-04:00

I spent last week based out of Port Alsworth, AK. It is an interesting little village. Lake Clark NP field headquarters is based here. It is a home for Natives, a second home and vacation spot for the likes of aviators such as Franklin Graham, and a ministry for Samaritan's Purse. Last week was a tough work week. We worked long days and traveled to three different villages for meetings, not to mention a park trip. In 5 days I flew 5 round trip flights on small bush planes. Even through the exhaustion I was reminded daily of a promise. Those moments that took my breath away demonstrate how vast and wide the beauty of our Lord is. And in the midst of exhaustion I can appreciate even more that I am here in this wild place, watching rainbows as they come and go across the landscape.

Sheep

2011-07-31T00:53:00.001-04:00

We are but sheep. Here's one of my favorite recent sermons.

Balance Beam

2011-07-31T00:17:00.005-04:00

How is your beam routine?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhdkGEp5w28

Aunt Denise

2011-07-10T15:44:00.005-04:00

I couldn't say it any better than this, so here is a message from Uncle Tom. Prayers and love to my family. Please pray for Denise's sister as she has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer.

This morning at 1:30 Denise met face to face with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We are blesses and happy to know Denise is no longer in pain or suffering. She now has a glorified body and is celebrating her new life with our Lord. Her family can't thank you enough for all your prayers. It was Gods will to have Denise come home and be with him. While we grieve the loss of our friend, wife, daughter, mother, sister, aunt, she has left a legacy that will live on forever. I know each of you have been blessed to have known her and you were a huge part of her life. If there was ever anything anyone needed Denise was always the first to volunteer to help. She was always putting others first and that is what I loved about her. She was the most wonderful woman I have ever met and she cannot be replaced. All my love to each of you and God Bless you. Denise, I love you and will miss you every minute of everyday. Thank you for the best 26 years of my life and most of all thank you for the two beautiful young men you have given me. Adam, Scott, and I will make you very proud. See you in Heaven.

Personaly test

2011-06-13T01:36:00.003-04:00

I took a personality test tonight. Amongst the amusing results was the following paragraph. I almost think it might be true or at least I try really hard to be creative and sneaky. Guess I hardly ever heard it before, but thanks personality test for making me feel good.

When planning something such as an anniversary dinner or a birthday party, you don't like to go through the same old routine that everyone else does. You have a flair for the creative and you seem to have a sense of how to create an ambiance by adding special touches that you know will be perfect for the occasion. For example, you might have personalized gifts or you might recreate something meaningful that happened previously in your relationship. You make ordinary things extra special, which is very endearing.

Perseverance

2011-06-08T01:25:00.002-04:00

It's been 9 months since I moved to Alaska, almost to the day. Today was one of my best days by far. Sure the skiing, the northern lights, the mountains, the wildlife, the sun, the hiking, the salmon returning, the microbreweries are all fantastic and beautifully designed in their own ways but, today I was reminding the simplicity of keeping the course. Uprooting and moving across the entire country is nothing short of difficult. Leaving behind friends, family, and even a household of furniture and memories could easily become more than one can bear. But the Lord is better than that. He never gives us more than we can handle, mostly because we weren't meant to carry the weight of those types burdens.
Long story short. As I keep chipping away at the days, and physically forcing myself to be a part of this community of Anchorage, tonight I finally met a girl around my age at a prayer meeting. And she loves to run, trails more than roads but that's ok. Oh my there are steep trails out there, looks like I might be doing a 16 miler in August :). And she loves the Lord. And she's now a part of this team praying for young adults to be led into an intensive Bible study this fall. (Pray for us please!) So I have 9 months of prayer escaping as excitement tonight. There are Christian friends to be had in a "big" city. Thank you to the one most high who is always watching over us and will make his plans known in due time if we just keep on persevering.

pretty girls

2011-05-18T01:46:00.007-04:00

This is a side note from the other two posts. I'll get back to my life changing journey through faith class soon.
Sydney and I went to watch two of my friends compete in a triathlon on Sunday. I usually play a little experiment when I'm out with the dog, I rather enjoy seeing how dogs can bring a smile out of a stranger. Many times a person won't look me in the eye, but Sydney can bring out the best in others. I think that's one of the things I love most about dogs, especially this sweet girl. So a man walked by us at the race and said what a pretty girl. I responded well thank you very much. He smiled, and then I said oh you meant the dog. He giggled, and we walked on, a man smiled once more than he might of because we walked by. I love that, it says so much about the heart of Jesus. Cheers to us pretty girls walking down the street and making someone's day. I give most of the credit to my 4-legged friend, but we're a team so I'll steal a little bit.

I mean seriously who could resist this sweet, goofy face. Dogs sure do have a way of making us better people.

prayer

2011-05-15T20:58:00.002-04:00

I loved the class on prayer. It opened my eyes to the reality of how powerful prayer is and how, if we're willing, our lives can become a state of prayer. The disciples didn't ask Jesus what to pray, they asked him how to pray. God knows our every thought and need. He knows the words that will come from our mouths when we pray. Prayer is something that often frightens people mostly because we as humans often believe there is a requirement of form or formula.

From my class notes-
Prayer begins in the presence of God ("Our Father..."). We are in His presence all the time and can live in state where the temporal meets the eternal. Prayer is worship ("Hallowed be thy name..."). This is a time for intimacy, for song, for silence or however you enter into worship. Prayer recognizes the eternal ("Thy kingdom come..."). Prayer is not selfish ("Thy will be done..."). Prayer is open to personal needs ("Give us... daily bread..."). Prayer is where we find forgiveness ("Forgive us our...") and strength to forgive ("...as we forgive"). Prayer is a request for protection from temptation and a request for deliverance when we have yielded to evil. And prayer ends in worship. God's answer will be good and will not violate his nature.

It is important to define what prayer means in our lives. Just as the disciples experienced a storm at sea, we too travel through the storms of life. While the disciples faced the storm Jesus was praying. How many times during this rocky journey have we wanted to jump ship and take our chances among the waves? The reality is that Jesus will meet us during the storm. Yet the disciples did not call out to Jesus for help because he had left them and stayed on shore. Out of sight out of mind right? If we focus on the boat and waves then we cannot fully enter into the eternal presence of the Lord. For the last few weeks I've thought about this lesson. It's something so easy to recognize as necessary however life makes it way to easy to focus on the boat. For those who read this I challenge you to take the steps to let prayer consume your life. Focus on the eternal, live each day in a state of prayer. Point your life into worship when you wake up and pray yourself to sleep. I heard one time it's not good to pray laying down at night because then you'll fall asleep. Well that's exactly where I want to be, falling asleep while in the Lord's arms. It's a wonderful place to be, and frankly that's exactly what Jesus lived and what he taught us.

Love

2011-05-15T00:22:00.006-04:00

I just finished a class called journey through faith. The next few posts reflect some of the topics we discussed and where my heart is leading me.

Recent happenings in this country have left me at odds with how to react. I suppose in some senses I'm happy to live far up north in a place that would rather function without much oversight from the lower 48. A few weeks ago, appropriately the age of technology, I learned about the death of bin Laden from a facebook post. Like most of the world I turned on my television to watch President Obama confirm the news. Seeing as how it was early evening in AK I was able to follow the story without losing sleep that night. I watched the celebrations outside the gates of the capital and in New York. I personally did not share the same jubilation. I did feel some sense of relief but I did not in anyway wish to be a part of the celebration. Don't get me wrong. I love this country and feel blessed to have been given the opportunity to grow up in the US. However, when I watch the news at night or when I sit at my desk and wonder whether I'm even going to be able to come to work on Monday morning or be furloughed until further notice, I'm ever more grateful that I'm guided by a higher power. I cannot explain it in many words other than to say my heart does not wish to be a part of a greater movement that draws us away from the fundamental purpose in life. God tells us to love Him with all our heart and love our neighbors as ourselves. On these two things hang all the law. How are we doing on that? If we as individuals followed that one purpose then we would live in a worshipful community, in perfect world. It really is that simple. Clearly that is not the case, so then we look elsewhere for guidance. We have a family to discipline us, then a city, then a state, then a national government and finally worldly organizations. So then we are also commanded to obey the law. In spite of how well you believe these governments are serving the people, go forth and love others, and continue to love them even when it's most difficult to do. God is love, God is merciful and God is just.

learning from proverbs

2011-05-02T23:26:00.005-04:00

I've been stuck in Proverbs for a while, reading things here and there and really trying to dive deeper into meaning of the poetry. More so I'm pondering the meaning it speaks into my life currently. I've been struck by a few different verses over the last few weeks as well as some interpretations of those verses.

Proverbs 18:24 There are "friends" who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

Everyone knows what loneliness is, the feeling like nobody loves us down to the core. That if given the choice, a person would choose to spend time with another rather than myself. I personally have experienced loneliness quite a bit, but there is hope. We are meant to have deep relationships and it is better to have one such friend than multitudes of others. In knowing my heart and wishing for a true friend that pours into me as much as I do in return, I've come to the realization that I cannot control the return. The only thing in my power is to continue to seek to be a true friend, to pray and ask God to reveal those who are in need of a friend and to fill that role or at least take on the challenge. But there's a caveat, and it came to me several chapters later.

Proverbs 22:24-25 Don't befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like then and endanger your soul.

Alaska was a interesting place to be called back to for work. It's a place where the soul could easily grow weary from the weather alone (it's really not that bad). It's a place where I once lived during a time period when I was not listening to Christ's call for my whole heart. These two verses speak life into where I am today. I am in need of someone to pour into my soul, to come over with a cup of coffee and sit or better yet run down the street; however the only thing in the realm of my capacity is to just pour my heart into others. I go forward, and do so with caution, seeking to spend much of my time with those who have characteristics I want to develop in my life.

Lions and Tigers and BEARS!

2011-04-27T02:40:00.002-04:00

It's official, the bears are awake. At least some and I gather the great majority are crawling out to the sunshine and "warm" weather we are having. I am attending a river conference in Girdwood, AK in a couple weeks. Girdwood is about an hour south of Anchorage and home to Aleyeska Resort. I'm super excited to spend 4 work days down at the resort, mostly because I've never been. Every time I drove by in the 4 summers I lived here it crossed my mind that I needed to visit. Well my opportunity has arrived. This afternoon the conference attendee's received a safety message. I would put odds on the fact that few if any conferences actually take the time to send out a safety message. It came from an Alaskan of course, putting out the warning to all those outsiders coming to visit. "Alaska is a beautiful place, not inherently dangerous, but she can be very unforgiving to those that venture into her beautiful wild areas unprepared. All of us who have lived in Alaska for a while know someone who has been compromised or killed by the wilderness or have experienced serious threats first hand." Wow, that'll get a person excited to venture out into this great country. It is true that fear can be a useful tactic. Several paragraphs later we were warned to prepare for the unpredictable weather and dress layer, that it's avalanche season, hike in groups, borrow some bear spray but be sure the bear is really close and coming at you from downwind, be alert for mommas and little cubs, the rivers temps are cold. I wanted to reply all with do you crazy people that chose to take the river rafting trip realize the water temperature and air temperature are about the same. Welcome to Alaska, it's one of the most beautiful place you'll ever experience!!! My favorite line in the email by far was "please do not become a bear meal or punching bag." All I have to say is duh. Looking forward to an adventurous spring and summer ahead.

Move Me

2011-04-24T18:53:00.006-04:00

DCF Filmfest 2011 best documentary. I don't take that honor lightly. Amidst the loneliness, the struggle to find friends who demonstrate the character of the Lord, the battle with health issues and finding my way in this new place I call home, I constantly ask the Lord to keep moving in me. This movie documents a lot of beauty I have found around me. It's not hard, we just have to search inside ourselves and make the choice to share more beauty, joy and love whether we receive it back or not. Not all the photos are from AK, but most of them are. I first heard this song when Calling Levi came to Faith Christian Community as guest worship leaders. Now this song is a constant reminder that even without the things I pray and hope for, Jesus is still moving more now than ever.

There's another Calling Levi song that has helped me through this transition and I highly recommend it, I Have Hope.
Spring will come again... you're love will never fail me, every morning it is new.

Starry night

2011-03-19T01:04:00.006-04:00

I recently took a trip to the top of a mountain in a vehicle that sorta resembled a tank. At least the way it moved did. I'm no mechanic so I have no idea what kind of wheeled contraption that is (more on that trip in a later post). At the top of the mountain sat a yurt filled with propane heat, tea, coffee and hot chocolate. Outside the yurt was the most amazingly clear, star filled sky I have ever seen. So here's a pic of my favorite. If you follow the lip of the big dipper 5 stars over to left that's the north star. The dipper is always the first constellation I search for in the sky. Once I've located it I can star hop and find others. In the Fairbanks winter sky the big dipper sat directly above our heads. And if any of you orion fans are curious, he was located close to the moon, which made it a difficult photo to shoot.

I do not think there is any coincidence that the big dipper is my favorite, in fact I think it's all part of God's sense of humor. Why? Take a look at Alaska's state flag. The blue stands for the sky, sea, mountain lakes and Alaska state flower the forget-me-not. The big dipper, Ursus Major, the great bear is for strength. It points to polaris the brightest star in the sky, the one leading us north, for the northern most state. It's all part of God's wonderful perfectly created plan.

Moved

2011-02-12T00:57:00.007-05:00

Sometimes God calls us to do things unimaginable. If we're willing to take the leap, to lean more on faith than on fear, to trust that bigger things are in store, to stretch ourselves further than we thought possible, than often times we'll land in places more beautiful than we thought possible.

Recently I was in a workshop where we asked everyone to describe in word a feeling that comes to mind about Lake Clark National Park and Preserve. Here's what we all said:

awe, fortunate, intimidated, responsibility, privileged, humbled, blessed, connected, emotionally pulled in, whole, peaceful, inspired, home, engrossed in moment, return to past (childhood experiences), free, grateful, enhanced

Here's what we all meant:
The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftmanship. Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they continue to make him known. They speak withouth a sound or word; their voice is never heard. Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world. God has made a home in the heavens for the sun. It bursts forth like a radiant bridegroom after his wedding. It rejoices like a great athlete eager to run the race. The sun rises at one end of the heavens and follows its course to the other end. Nothing can hide from its heat. Psalm 19:1-7

So I had another

Moose

2011-02-04T02:17:00.004-05:00

There certainly is not a lack of moose around here. Of course if you come visit me I can't promise that we'll find one. So just to wet your appetite on these cute giants, here's a few photos.

adventures in headlights

2011-01-31T22:53:00.004-05:00

When 1 headlight goes out you are breaking the law. When two headlights go out while living in Alaska, a place that consists of more winter darkness than light, it's just plain dangerous. So my friend Carin and I tried to change the bulbs just as we were leaving to drop her off at the airport. She, and I need to point out that she's in law enforcement, suggested that I just drive with my brights on. 10 minutes later, lots of wiggling my tiny hands behind the the windshield fluid tube, and dropping the cap twice inside the maze under the hood I finally had one bulb changed. The other cap and bulb however hid under a long black plastic shield that we couldn't get off. Hey car manufactures, it's a headlight! I should be able to pop the bad one out and replace it. I should not have to remove or attach any other parts to get to the stinking headlight, or better yet put on gogo gadget arms to reach the cap.
So we left for the airport with one headlight working and one block later I got pulled over. The cop asked if I knew I had a headlight out. I played the poor pitiful super frustrated woman card, I was frustrated that I couldn't change it, I need to get my friend to the airport, I am still looking for a mr. fixit in my life to take care of these things for me, and lastly would you like to change my headlight while we're stopped here. "I'll just give you a warning and let you head on to the airport." My response, "Thanks for understanding, sure you don't want to change my headlight?" In the end, I stopped on the way home from work and a nice man at the Chevron station not only changed my bulb but he showed me how to get the plastic panel off. All better now, but I still want a mr fixit :).

New Year

2011-01-02T01:07:00.002-05:00

The gift of hospitality runs through my veins. I love entertaining. I enjoy having people over to the house and cooking a meal for them. Recently while reading the book Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, I saw that my hospitality was taking more of a Martha tone. I love having people over and cooking, however; I am usually distracted by the preparations and cleaning the kitchen soon after the meal is finished. It's habit to clean as I go and to not let the dishes pile in the sink. Focusing on the cooking and cleaning is distracting me from the meaning of the gift of hospitality. Opening my home is the single greatest form of community I can give, and in doing so I wish to have the heart of Mary. 1-1-11 was the first opportunity to display this conscious choice. Soon after the meal I found myself at the sink in the kitchen. I turned on the water, grabbed the sponge and then the light bulb went of. This was the moment where I could change. I could either clean the dishes or resume my place in the circle of newly formed friends. I turned off the water and felt the comfort and freedom of taking my place in the community. I can't tell you it was easy, that my mind didn't wander back to the dirty counter and stack of dishes. Just because change is necessary doesn't make it easy. But because I'm teachable and willing to listen and study how to best use my gifts to glorify the Lord, the struggle to change is completely worth it. I'm hopeful that it will get easier, this time at the end of the night we cleaned the kithcen together as a group. Whether that continues to happen or whether I'm doing the cleaning alone after everyone has left, I want to live the heart of Mary with those who enter through my doors.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

Christmas Eve

2010-12-27T23:42:00.003-05:00

After getting dressed for Christmas Eve service I realized that I didn't have any black boots to wear with my dress. I reasoned that I could just put on black socks with my black leggings and then wear the only other black shoes I have, my dansko's. Luck would have it that I made it to AK without a pair of black socks. So I pulled out the black and white striped socks and thought maybe the combo of leggings and shoes would hide the socks. WRONG! The end, game over, I'm going to church Alaskan style. Winter boots it is. Until of course I realized Fred Meyer was open. Here I am walking through the store on Christmas Eve so I can purchase a pair of black socks to wear with my danskos. I miss my black boots!

525,600 minutes, how do measure 5 years?

2010-10-25T00:03:00.006-04:00

I've recently come to terms with how easy it is to sabotage relationships. Often times it happens because a seed of doubt is planted and watered with something stronger than miracle grow. The number 1 road block is myself. It's difficult for me to talk about myself, my needs and most importantly the issues that I struggle with. There are, however, those special people that have come into my life and pursued me. Some for a time that was way too short, but they all saw something. By they I mean you, the ones who I know are reading this. You recognized a heart that truly wants to be loved. You saw a friend that needs the presence of others. You spoke words of kindness, opened up your home, trusted me to watch the little ones dearest to your hearts, you tried to help me cope with a family that seems to have more issues than most, you ran with me, you let me cook and enjoyed the food most of the time, and you sat next to me at a movie, at dinner, at church, in prayer, in class, in house church, Thanksgiving at the Hayes, at a football game, at a basketball game, soccer etc. You loved Sydney. I could go on an on. Most importantly you loved me, even through the difficulties I had in receiving it. It's tough to write a story about what 5 years means. LIFE, the good, the bad, and the ugly, that's what 5 years is. 5 years is also long enough for a stronger seed start bearing fruit. God put you in my lives for a reason, he pursued me enough to know exactly what I needed. Thank you friends, you are my family and I can't wait to someday meet again and share stories about life.

Allowing God

2010-10-24T18:40:00.003-04:00

I bought a used subaru outback yesterday at a dealership. It was my first dealership purchase and I was definitely nervous. That's a lot of money to spend at once, and no matter how much they say somehow it feels like "your supposed to say that" and "you have an answer for everything." My final question for the salesman was "Would you purchase this car for your sons?"
Last night I discovered that the back passenger door wouldn't open. I couldn't get the lock to unlock, couldn't open it from the inside or out. I tried several different times. So at 10:30 I called the man who sold it to me and told him my problem. He said he would talk to his boss to see if they could do something. The thing is I bought the car as is, no warranty. So I just prayed and prayed for God to be present in the situation, for them to do the right thing which in my mind was to fix it for free.
This morning I had to convince myself to go to church, I mean I had a problem that needed to be taken care of. But the truth was it didn't need to be taken care of, it needed to be given back to God. Sure enough the whole sermon this morning was about prayer. It was pretty darn amazing. What struck me was how easy we can turn prayer away from seeking God's presence and into always asking for what we think we need or want. I admit that was some of my prayer, but it was also asking for God to be present, to work in the hearts of everyone involved, whatever the outcome. So I went to the dealership, and was immediately approached by someone who recognized me. I kinda spent the day there, watching Clemson and then A&M play while we were negotiating, haha. He asked if I came from Georgia? I said no, came from South Carolina and he said well I'm from Atlanta, what can I do for you? After telling him my issue, he took the key went out and the opened my passenger door, not a problem. He then shook my hand and said God bless you. I said the same back to him and also that I have truly been blessed today, and he said there's a lot of blessings to be given out there. I couldn't help let the happy tears come out as I drove away, what a wonderful experience. So that's it, another lesson that I don't need a salesman to fix what's wrong, I need to look to God for that and he'll come through like always :).

Ready

2010-09-07T18:15:00.001-04:00

I think it's time to put some thoughts back on the screen. Life update coming soon...

Breaking through

2010-01-12T19:18:00.012-05:00

"You can't amputate your history from your destiny." -Beth Moore

About a month ago I had a pretty stark realization. There is a part of me that is so susceptible to the enemy, and that part of me points directly into the path of deep loneliness. It's kind of an oxymoron that I have no problem speaking out and fighting for justice of others, but I haven't been able to do the same for myself. That discovery is quite frustrating. I question the actions of people toward each other, but when I feel mistreated (whether intentional or not) my voice becomes muted. The silence turns into withdrawal and the withdrawal into a need to be included or feel loved. When that doesn't happen, when the phone calls or emails are not there, the enemy confirms in me that I am made for loneliness.

This is a feeling that has reoccurred in me since childhood. What an evil, evil cycle. And to think, I spent much of last year in this dark place. I either allowed the triggers and retired to my home or I was unable to thoughtfully respond to triggers. I think on some level that's why I usually err on the side of making plans for myself during special times/days. Sort of a misguided insurance policy.

Here's the thing. At the beginning of last year, I stood up in front of a group of people and told them they were my family. At that time I felt I was drawing so close to God, and not too long after that it felt as though he was further away then ever. So what happened? I had no clue until it brought me to my knees.

At some point during this period God said we're going there. That desire to have deep relationships with friends, to feel loved and feel like people want to be around you is the one place the enemy will sweep in and rock your world. And, oh by the way, if it wasn't clear the first time, we're going there. The difference is, I'll be there, even though it feels otherwise, I'll be there. We're going. And then there was silence, for months. I made some progress with a few people who were persistent and saw through it a bit. I think they understood on some level because we have the same personality, but the silence still persisted.

So back to last month. I gave up a few days of work to help a friend out and because of that I was engulfed in a celebration of love that was filled with prayer. It was during that time I was completely broken before the Lord with these dichotomous sides battling in my mind. One night as I cried myself to sleep I prayed for God to reveal his glory. That night my dreams were filled with peace, I heard over and over again, this is not from me, it doesn't have to be like this. Speak up and I will speak through you. At the height of it all I was overcome with peace reigning down from above.

Looking back, in the times where God seemed the most absent, he was definitely working. I know this because my house church is about to begin studying Esther. It was placed on my heart as we were finishing Samuel. Since the decision, my personal studies of Esther have revealed the direct lineages that tie these two books together. Most interesting and appropriate for me at this time was learning that even though the name of God is not in the book at all, his presence is revealed through faith. Not to mention that immersing myself in Esther has helped me learn more about what it means to be a woman in waiting.

In the time since I've come to realize that until you go all the way to the depths of some of the issues from your history, you cannot fully comprehend how it continues to affect you if you let it. I understand this is a journey, and by no means do I have all the answers, but I'm stepping into my destiny by looking up. The rest will fall into place.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

2010-01-02T09:53:00.000-05:00

O world-ignorance,
Although
You have shackled my feet,
I am free.

Although
You have chained my hands,
I am free.

Although
You have enslaved my body,
I am free.

I am free because I am not of the body.
I am free because I am not the body,
I am free because I am the soul-bird
That flies in Infinity- Sky.
I am the soul-child that dreams
On the Lap of the immortal King Supreme.

-Sri Chinmoy

muppet style

2009-11-29T22:53:00.000-05:00

Addendum

2009-11-18T22:19:00.002-05:00

One of the things I had requested from friends and family is to write a little note for me to read the night before the race. I had no idea how I would be feeling so I thought it may help to hear from loved ones. There was a few cards and a sentence or two written on some donation forms but only one envelope said specifically "to be read the night before". I saved this one to read last.
This letter came with a donation from the most unexpected person. My sister passed along an email asking her dear friends to help me out. I received three donations from her friends, one of those as I was in transit from the airport to my hotel in SF.
This particular donation and card came from her law school roommate, a woman I met a handful of times. Along with the note she included a copy of an old desk calendar sheet that had an inspirational message on it. I don't know the year, likely it was this year, but the date was February 1. Here's what it said.
And the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in His hand. Isaiah 53:10
Hugh Hudson's 1981 movie masterpiece Chariots of Fire tells the story of Eric Liddell, a runner in the 1924 Olympics who refuses to run on Sunday out of respect for God's Word.
Because of his refusal to run on Sunday, Eric is forced to run in a longer race, the 400 meter, for which he hasn't trained. But he flies like a rocket and breaks the tape in a thrilling victory.
What could inspire a man to such a feat? I wondered. I think the answer is in his conversation with his sister Jenny before the race. She thinks running is frivolous for a man who is going to become a missionary. "God made me for a purpose ," Eric explains. "He also made me fast. When I run, I feel His pleasure. To give it up would be to hold Him in contempt. To win is to honor Him."
Jenny is satisfied with his answer. Just before the race she hands him a note on which she has written I Samuel 2:30: "For those who honor me I will honor."
To do what God designed me to do is to feel His approval. When I'm writing on the chalkboard of my classroom, hoeing in my garden or fixing a student's car, I can feel God's pleasure flowing through my hands.
Everyone has gifts from God. To develop those gifts and to use them for others makes one a conduit for the power of God. You can almost hear him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
Help me to win the race of life for your honor, Lord.
-Daniel Schantz

As a side bar my house church is studying the life of Samuel, so this was meaningful on so many levels. God healed me because I ran in his honor. When my focus and gaze trusted completely in Him, He carried me through. This February first note will forever remain in my wallet.

carb load and race day

2009-11-16T13:18:00.007-05:00

It's a long one, but I can't leave anything out.
Saturday night Team in Training held a pasta party for all 4,000 of us and our guests. We met in the lobby and then began the walk through downtown San Francisco. None of us had any sort of expectation of what was about to unfold. As we entered into the building we heard screaming, cheering, whistling, and noise makers. Wow I still tear up every time I think about it. All of our coaches and staff members across the country were dressed up in crazy outfits full of green and purple. They were calling us heroes.
They filled the entry way hall all the way downstairs and on towards the pasta buffet. It was pretty overwhelming, and then the event started. While we ate we watched a slide show of all our honored heroes and those who we run in memory of. Another inspirational and overwhelming time. Joan Benoit, first ever olympic gold medalist in the women's marathon welcomed us. In fine comedic style writer John Bingham told what to expect that night and during the run. The stages of the race include the "bite me" stage and the "I know I'm going to finish" stage. Finally we heard from an honored hero. A woman who couldn't have been 25 years old told us about first facing lymphoma at the age of 8 when her mom was diagnosed. Then five years later when her father was diagnosed. Finally at the age of 23 when she was diagnosed. Don't need to say anymore, other than they are all in remission, and this woman ran the marathon! Then we stood, first time runners, 3rd, 4th, 5th time runners. Family and friends. Honored Heroes. At that point the race didn't matter, you know until they said think of the hot fireman at the finish line :). We will keep running until they tell us we don't have to run anymore, because they have found a cure. 4,000 of us raised over 14 million dollars for LLS.
We walked back to the hotel so Maddy and I could decorate our shirts. She was starting her walk at 5:30 AM and my start was at 7:00. Mom and Cindy met me for the start. It was good to see them in the morning.
Gun time! I really never got anxious, felt this sense of peace. I decided to put IT band straps on both of my legs just as an added precaution. Little did I know what would transpire. They say running a marathon is mostly mental. For me it was mostly spiritual. These wars of feeling uncapable and less than came to head, and early on in the race. It was sometime between mile 3-4 that my IT band pain hit. Again, the pain you can't run through. Anger was the intitial reaction, I sure did hit that "bite me" stage quite early in this race. Oddly and metaphorically during this battle with pain I looked off to the right and there was Alcatraz. The prison that was in-escapable. Huh? So I walked for a long time, probably two miles. I took 3 gel shots and stopped to pray several times. I couldn't run this race without being healed from this pain. I think it was about mile 6 that I really began running again, it was completely uphill and that seemed to take the pressure off my IT band. Not only did it take the pressure off at that point in the run, but the whole rest of the race. I WAS HEALED (at least at that location in my body). Something that is predicted to take about a year to recover from, really just took faith.
Mom and Cindy took the shuttle to meet me at mile 10. From there they would be able to access different points along the route and see me at least 3 times. Because of some bus issues and not knowing my issues Cindy decided they missed me and so they began packing up to leave. Just at that moment when Cindy turned around to grab the last of the items, there I was. Again, thanks God for that perfect timing!! They had the rest of my gels, of which I almost forgot until Cindy mentioned it.
Ah the gels. There's a reason why they say take them with water, and there's a reason why you aren't supposed to take more than one at a time. I discovered that reason over 22 miles. Apparently it's pretty tough to digest and causes some stomach issues, that sometimes made it hard to run because everything was jiggling inside. Other than the gels, I developed soreness in my lower back and my quads were on fire. So around mile 11 we split off from the half-marathoners and continue through golden gate park (of which the bridge is not next to, news to me but clear when we passed it at mile 6). Then we meet up with the halfer's again as they run their last mile. Evil, evil plan. We run the halfer's in to their finish and then we turn at mile 16. Who on earth thought that was a wise plan? It was sometime in the park that I got into the I'm going to finish stage. I can do this. I passed by a survivor and cheered him only, I ran with a friend of a friend. Every step of the way there was purple in sight, and there were staff members or coaches on the course the whole time. They had gel, pretzels, m&ms, anything to keep us going.
So we go around this lake we aptly named the never-ending lake. Mile 21 was the chocolate mile. Before the race and at the time I was so elated to get a ghiradeli chocolate candy during the race. After all the stomach issues I had the whole time, I'm still unsure why on earth I thought it would be a good idea to start eating chocolate. It was not a good idea, and when a coach came upon me hunched over the only thing he could offer was a stretching session. He wanted to stretch a muscle where I had to lift my leg and cross it over my knee. We had a discussion, which was clearly logical in my mind on why I could not lift my leg. Hey man, I just did 22 miles, can't I just throw up and keep going. I don't want to do anything to feel the IT band. You don't understand. He made me stretch and and I sure did feel how tight the IT was when I lifted my leg. Then he asked if I felt better. Of course I said thanks, but then I asked where the nearest bathroom was. Mile 24, hmmmm. So these two girls came up and asked if it would help me to walk with them. One of them said it was her birthday, her 30th. YEAH, that was so encouraging. I split off with them at mile 24, pit stop, and then I decided no matter how bad the quads and back hurt I would run the last mile. The shute was just incredible. At least a half a mile long, lined with people. the coaches were running back and forth making sure people finished, and all but carrying them across the line. As I approached I heard cheering on the right, mom and Cindy. I heard cheering on the left, Maddy and my SC team. The announcer looked at me and asked me if it was my birthday. The I just ran a marathon, pain filled body was so filled with joy and smiles as I answered yes.
Then it was all a blur as I thought, find a bathroom or get sick somewhere out of sight (yeah right!). I got my finishers necklace, my finishers shirt, a wrap to keep me warm, a bag and some snacks all the while I'm repeating find a bathroom, find a bathroom as if I would forget it during the process. Maddy and I celebrated, then I had to get my 26.2 pen from the TNT booth in which they sent us through a line for some more food. I fell into the chair fully planning on staying there for at least a day. I borrowed a cell phone to call mom and she said they were waiting for me at the photo booth to have a picture taken. HA, that didn't happen. Then they tell us we have to start walking toward the bus. And by walk, I mean it felt like they sent us off to do a 5K just as a joke. Then I had to get on the bus, and during the entire trip back I was pondering just how am I going to get off this bus. Running leap quickly made the top of the list because my quads just about ceased to work. This meant anything revolving around sitting, standing up, going to the bathroom, basic life functions were officially off limits. I took an ice bath, complete with sweatshirt and hot tea.
Being warned not to lay down and build up lactic acid, I then stood in the hotel room for about an hour. If I sat down, I would have lay down. So I checked my email on my phone, and messaged people to let them know I was finished. I had two emails from LLS, of which I figured it would be a thank you and congrats. They were not. The first was a donation by a dear friend I only saw briefly this summer. The second was an email saying you have reached your fund raising minimum. That news put me over the limit on an extremely emotional day. My friend donated the exact amount I had left to raise. In that moment I could just picture God laughing at me, saying trust me and I will lead you through it, maybe not the way you expect it to go, but you will get through it.

I have heard so many stories throughout this journey of fund raising and training. We had a mother on our team who lost her daughter. We had a survivor on our team. Alex was at our concert and silent auction, she told us of her mother's fight. My dear friend in Greensboro, her father is battling myeloma. Maddy and I met a woman at our yard sale who lost her niece the night before and she stopped because of the sign. There was a racer who had no name on the front of their shirt and stage 2 on the back. Most recently I've had a family member affected. So after all the pain and struggles, will I keep running? For the answer to that, take a look.

one week before

2009-11-13T12:18:00.004-05:00

I supposed it's time to finish the story. It'll probably take another post, but that's ok, I'm older and deserve to be long winded about this experience.
The week of the race I traveled to Salt Lake City, UT for our annual National Recreation and Parks Association conference. I tried to rest, that didn't happen. I wanted to do my strength video, that didn't happen. I needed to work on my data analysis for a presentation in two weeks, that didn't happen. It was a week full of socializing, walking and trying to determine whether any calls for job applications were being announced. It was a week to reconnect with friends who live around the country. Amongst the busyness I did continue to stretch and did one little run on the treadmill, but the elevation made it tough.
There were two memorable events from the week. One was an unforgettable encounter with God. The other was a pretty fun pre-birthday celebration. The student branch had a social at a piano bar. Some friends requested girls just want to have fun and happy birthday. In fine form, I jumped (or was forced) on top of the pianos and danced. Sometimes in life it is worth it to let our guard down and enjoy the moment. If we live like we are worried of what others think, or are too proud to try new things we often miss out on what could be one of the more joyous moments of our lives. I was turning 30, and by golly I danced on a piano to celebrate.
The thing about the week before was that I felt at peace. Even though I wasn't running or preparing like I felt I was supposed to, it seemed ok. On Friday I flew to San Francisco. I met up with Madalyn at the hotel and then we walked down to the Expotique. I picked up my race packet and we briefly walked through , got a smoothie from the bicycle powered blenders and then wandered over to Nike Town. I bought some race memorabilia and then we went back to the hotel for a while. Later that night I met up with Stephanie, a friend from grad school who came into town to cheer me and her best friend on. I found out that Stephanie's dad was a cancer survivor, lymphoma I believe. We went out to dinner with another friend from grad school and a good friend of mine that I worked with in AK. I hadn't seen Pete in years, and it was great to catch up. Not to mention we ate Thai, delicious!!!!
On Saturday morning Madalyn and I walked around the expo again for a little while and then we took off (using my GPS) looking for Noah's bagels. We wanted to get a bagel to eat before the race and Noah's is pretty famous. We ended up walking down Market street and found the local market near the bay bridge. We listened to a street musician who played recycled household items, he was amazing! Then we decided to take a rickshaw (aka pedi-cab) down to pier 39. We had already walked a long way that morning and wanted to save our legs. The wharf was tons of fun, lots of shops and restaurants and of course the sea lions. We stayed there until my mom and sister landed and drove over to pick us up. We went back to the hotel, hung out for a while and then got ready for the evening carb load pasta party...

two weeks leading to the race

2009-11-06T11:34:00.002-05:00

On Sunday I had decided to rest in many things. I had to refocus my mind on God to discover why I was called to run this race. Many answers came through that week. I did not run at all. I did a lot of ice, stretching and strength workouts. I also prayed more directly than I had in a long time. I'm not good at praying for myself, for my needs. I suppose I think maybe I'm not deserving, I can't ask for specific things, and also that God knows my heart so why ask. Oh how flawed those thoughts are. Why? Because that first week (and second) I banished those thoughts of the enemy and prayed feverishly for myself. I don't think I've ever felt such peace. I did not freak out that I wasn't running (which is huge for me). On Saturday I was supposed to do a 10 mile run, I decided not to push it and do 5. I didn't really do 5. I took Sydney to the dike, she found a couple pug/boxer friends and played with them. I saw a great blue heron on the shore and stopped to watch it. The bird gracefully took off in flight then dove into the water to catch a fish. Then it came back to the shore and flipped the fish around in its beak to swallow it head first. It was such a revelation of how we are perfectly created to do the things we are called to. So Sydney and I finished our brief run walk and went home satisfied. The final week was upon me.

Marathon Journey 1

2009-11-02T15:26:00.005-05:00

This is the first of a many part series. There is so much to express. Rather than exhaust your eyes at once, hopefully you'll return thirsty for more.
Two weeks before the race I found myself at a crossroads. I had stopped praying for God to be faithful and deliver the money I had left to raise My credit card would be charged that monday anyway and I just couldn't ask another person. For a long time coming I had let negative thoughts consume me, leaving me feeling lonelier than I have ever been. I felt undeserving of so many things and I felt pain.
Let me pause here for a brief discussion about the IT band and running. At least 3 people told me they had to stop training because of it. The book I have on running injuries says it takes about a year to recover. If it happens, it is impossible to run out the pain, you can do no further damage, but the pain will be debilitating. You can walk, but not run.
Back to the story. Over the summer I did a bunch of rehab on my left IT band, and trained as much as possible. My 16 mile run was the best training run thus far, no pain. The weekend 2 weeks before the race was my 20 mile run. About half way through the IT band pain in my right knee hit. HMMM, I finished the 20 miles, walking most of it. Anger doesn't begin describe the feelings. 2 weeks before, what could I do? The first time this kind of pain hit was one week before my half marathon and that was a painful run as well.
On Sunday I was still limping a little bit, and I described what was happening to a friend. She immediately said you're going through a spiritual warfare and apparently called and got me on just about every prayer list she had a connection with. That afternoon I was torn up with bouts of rage interjected with prayer. It would begin with a little yelling, what does the pain mean, why now, it's not supposed to be this way. Then it would end with me saying I feel like you called me to do this, please carry me through, I can't do it alone. By the end of the day I was so exhausted, but I felt like my gaze had shifted. I had peace and was finally able to pray for the healing of my heart, what was this really all about, and also to help me refocus my eyes on God. At the end of the day I sent an email back to my friend, thanking her for interjecting in my life that day.

Thanks friends!

2009-10-22T23:16:00.002-04:00

for celebrating my life today. God has blessed me with the best set of friends ever, I felt very loved. I truly carry you with me in my heart.

to the person who wrote that I have nice shoes, I will take you shopping any time you want.

sorry all you blog fans out there

2009-10-20T17:00:00.002-04:00

I know you are dying to hear about my marathon story and, just to build the suspense, it's quite the story. However, I feel the need to tell my dear friends in person so they don't have to read about me on the great www. Unfortunately you millions of blog fans out there will have to wait for a little while, but rest assured the story will be revealed. It's a story that continues to be worked in my heart daily. I will say, oh my goodness do I have some serious soreness in the parts of the legs (quads and calves) that control everything revolving around sitting, standing and walking.

Ok, suspense starts today!

what it boils down to

2009-10-05T22:12:00.000-04:00

pray, advil, ice, repeat!

A year can say a lot

2009-09-18T17:47:00.005-04:00

This month, a month from today, a long journey will culminate. This passed year has been pretty tough on me. Physically and mentally I have been witness to intentional changes in my life. I decided to live healthier and I set goals I never before thought were achievable. These changes have not come without setbacks. I've faced the feelings of stagnation at school/work (in a holding pattern I can't escape), loneliness, doubt, and literal pain so severe that sometimes I wondered how I'd make it home. Often I sat questioning how and why I could feel so called to be a part of something at one moment and then feel so defeated and unworthy the next. Definitely spiritually taxing. So here's my attempt to banish the voice of the enemy and choose to look back over the passed year and discover why I've been called to do this.
1. I still have some weight to lose and toning to do, but after reviewing some old photos this afternoon I'm looking good so far.
2. Goodness me, in one year of my life I've run further than I ever thought possible for this body.
3 Madalyn's father, we met and live together for a reason and we will be finishing this marathon in honor of him.
4. Alex's mother has been fighting Leukemia for 6 years. Alex came to the coffee house concert.
5. Angela Kaye's father has been fighting myeloma for about 7 years. She is the wife of my youth pastor while in high school. I just recently visited and reconnected with them.
6. The husband of one of my sister's friends passed away a couple years ago a few days before his daughter's second birthday. His heart was weakened by the chemo he had to fight Leukemia as a child.
7. A woman came to our yard sale fund raiser a couple weeks ago and told us the story of her young niece who lost her battle to Leukemia the night before.
8. I just met a woman in Gatlinburg who survived breast cancer for 16 years and then was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer everywhere, lung and bone marrow especially. As the owner of the shoe store whose only complaint was the loss of her long hair, she was just full of life. In response to an apology for being dealt that card she said don't be sorry, I'm here for a reason and can live and love life for as long I'm given. Her teenage son often takes her hiking to keep her strength up.
9. I finally started collecting my dissertation data in July, and so I may just be able to get a job next year after all.
10. Since the beginning of the summer I've been co-leading a family group. From that I've enjoyed dinners, sitting by the pool, breakfasts and especially running with those in our DCF community.
11. My sister came to visit with my niece and nephews, it was great to share SC with more family than my parents. My other sister has been, but unfortunately she was interviewing and couldn't really enjoy it.

To the upcoming month:
1. I'm going to run my data and get my dissertation mostly finished.
2. Sydney is getting a friend, pray it works out ok (and please don't shake your head at me, Elfie's not mine)
3. I'm supposed to start working 30 hours a week for military 4H.
4. I get to meet one of the first people to donate to my Team in Training account. We graduated in the same class and so we'll meet at a mini-class reunion in a few weeks. During the weekend I am taking my niece and nephews to midnight yell, and then will watch them play soccer and football the next morning.
5. Fund raising has been the most draining aspect. Thank you to the family, friends, and others who have supported this journey. I would not be here without your help. I trust that God will provide the rest of the $4,100 I need, and also the thought that the rest is probably going to come from the support of strangers (or at least strangers purchasing a pendant, my friends Joe and Lori are so deeply generous to have made and donate all the proceeds of this pendant to Team in Training, limited edition 25 made). www.silverevolution.com. If you'd like to help, remember for every $10 you give by this monday, you will be entered in a drawing for an amazon gift card or pendant and earring set (go here).
6. I'm going to run a freaking marathon on the same day I turn 30. There's a lot of emotion wrapped up in both of those. Hopefully I won't be a blubbering fool while running, but I probably will, haha.
7. I also just found out about the actual SF plans. Of course there's this thing about running and spaghetti social, but I get to see a few friends I haven't seen in a while. I will also be enjoying dinner and drinks on sunday then brunch, massages and wine tasting on Monday. Maybe 30 won't be so bad after all, at least not day 1 :).

one month people, one month. suppose it's a little too late to be asking myself whether I accomplised everything I wanted to accomplish in my 20's, but at least I'll welcome the new decade with a bang.

Marathon Updates

2009-08-30T20:28:00.004-04:00

Hi! I just wanted to send a little update on training and fund raising. Training is definitely beginning to get more intense. I'll be running 16 miles miles this week in preparation for the Nike Women's marathon (October 18th). That's farther than I've ever run. I've just about overcome my knee issues with the rest, stretch, and strength I've incorporated.

As far as fund raising, I'm about half way to my goal and really need your help to raise the rest. Thus, for every $10 dollars you give either online or by mail in the next three weeks (by 9-25), I will put your name in a drawing for either a pendant and earring set (see photo below) or a $100 gift card to Amazon. http://pages.teamintraining.org/sc/nikesf09/cvadala

The pendants above and below were designed by my friend Lori Morrow (www.silverevolution.com). The second pendant was designed for me using the emerald to represent Team in Training and the shape to represent the theme of the marathon, "for women who live outside the box." The pendant and chain retail for $150, and Lori is donating 70% of the profit to LLS. It is hoped that these pendants will be ready to ship in two weeks. If you would like to pre-order this meaningful pendant, for yourself or a gift, you can contact Lori through her website or just let me know.

Thanks for your support and prayers!

The fate of a black rockfish

2009-08-19T18:06:00.007-04:00

While in AK Suzanne and I had the opportunity to go deep sea fishing a couple times. The first trip was planned, the second was a little more spontaneous, but loads of laughs and fun with new friends.
After fishing a few different spots we happened upon a school of rockfish near a kelp bed. We started catching them left and right and began to fill the boat. After a while some of us wanted to move and try for halibut. So we moved to a spot where we could fish for halibut, salmon and rockfish together. Here's how it went down.
First the anthropomorphic under the sea version. Hey Bob it's a nice day today, think we should go for a leisurely swim and then eat. Bob? Why are you swimming so fast Bob? This isn't a race here. Wait up Bob, where are you going? Hey what's this thing sitting on the surface. There are some things looking over staring at me. I really just need to check this out. Hey Bob, looks like you had the same idea. BOB, what happened to you? AAAHHHHHHH, let me go!
Meanwhile back in the boat. Fish on! Got me a rockfish. Reel, reel, reel. There he is, wait a minute, what's that? It's another fish, followed the guy right up to the surface. GET THE NET, GET THE NET!!! Sure enough, Andre caught two fish in the open ocean (150 ft of water), one with the pole and one with net. Don't think I'll see that twice in my life.

Andre with one of his rockfish.

Suzanne just for you: Come on, hook one, catch a fish, whatcha waitin for. Control your $$$!
Good times!

Serving others

2009-08-17T20:50:00.002-04:00

My friend Christina recently released a song that combined her passion for music with her love for the organization Malaria No More. This video is a recent interview about the song she wrote. Christina challenges us all to jump in and become a part of this global world. We are united more than ever and have the power to serve others on the opposite side of the world. I love the message of hope she delivers.

pics from the new camera

2009-07-26T21:43:00.008-04:00

I'm inspired to re-discover my love for photography, mostly because I'm teaching 2 classes in the fall. I can't exactly say why I put the camera down, but I feel like I'm entering into a season where I want to pursue things that are most meaningful to me. Capturing images that brings some sort of joy to others is one of those meaningful passions. My only hope for this season is that by re-discovering my passion I'll then find a way to transfer that passion and inspire my students as well. So here are few shots from my new camera, one of my favorite subjects and an unsuspecting one.

thank goodness

2009-07-22T22:32:00.002-04:00

I'm happy to report that Sydney is still alive. So crazy man didn't poison her through the car window. He probably just gave her the leftover free starbuck's pastry that he didn't care for. I still reserve the right to call him crazy man though. Sydney and I have had a sit down chat about taking food from strangers (aka crazy man) through the car windows. Sometimes it's good to just laugh at the absurdity of life :).

strange happenings

2009-07-21T09:53:00.002-04:00

Sydney and I went to Starbucks this morning so I could join the rest of the country on free pastry day. On the way home, I drove through downtown and hit the red light at 93. Something caught my eye behind me and I realized that the guy in the car to my right had his door open and stepped out to pet sydney on the head. Of course she didn't refuse the affection, the excellent guard dog that she is. The light turned green, I began to go, then heard a strange noise. Sydney was eating something, the guy didn't get out of his car to pet her, he got out to give her food. For sanity's sake, let's just believe it was a dog treat because it was gone before I could get to it without causing an accident. But many questions still come to mind. 1. who keeps dog treats in their car, I mean I'm a dog lover but seriously? 2. who stops at a red light and gets out of their car to approach another car with a dog hanging her head out the window? 3. Didn't your mama ever tell you not to reach your hand into a window to pet a dog you don't know? I mean Sydney knows no strangers but you don't know that. I guess now you do. 4. Still wondering, did that really happen?

Gimme 5, and pass it on

2009-07-19T22:28:00.003-04:00

Dear Friends & Family,

I am running a marathon to raise life saving funds for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. It's my first marathon and I could really use your help! So, I'm asking you to Gimme 5!

1. Gimme 5 minutes of your time- go to my website and learn more about The Society and my training and fundraising progress.

2. Gimme 5 bucks- you can make a secure credit card donation online. You can rest assured that your money will go toward a great cause! If you would like to donate more, fantastic!

3. Gimme 5 friends- send this email to five of your friends and help me spread the word about what I'm is doing!

4. Every 5 minutes- someone new is diagnosed with a blood cancer- money for research is desperately needed so donate now!

5. $5,000 is my goal- my dear friends, (and friends of friends) I can't complete this journey without your help.

It's called a spoon people!

2009-07-08T16:47:00.004-04:00

Ha! Hershey's is actually making money off of a chocolate milk mixer. Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't it appear that syrup is actually sticking to the side of that plastic, so in all actuality this mixer does not make the perfect glass of chocolate milk. In case you have run out of spoons, try pouring some syrup in your mouth, then some milk, and shake your head side to side. That extra chocolate would just stick to the side of your mouth, and you'd save $9.99.

for all you tea lovers

2009-06-30T15:22:00.005-04:00

I have come across a fair trade organic tea company that is fabulous. May I suggest the coconut chai or egyptian mint. Of course I have a list of teas I'd like to try but I am resisting the urge to order any until I drink most of the tea I have. Enjoy!

tipping point

2009-06-30T14:52:00.006-04:00

FYI, the "today" referred to below was not actually today, but due to a strike I have been on I couldn't post this. I give up on this strike, we actually won over one person and I'm super psyched that she shared. It was awesome, especially since I never see you! The other, I fear, will never blog so I have little energy to keep my hopes up to someday read what is happening in her life. Maybe you could just send me an email instead :). I mean at least I get some of it from Amy's blog. Miss you!

Sometimes all it takes is an idea. If the idea grows to 16% percent of people, then it reaches a tipping point and spreads to the rest of the population. Hopefully, the video I saw today will get to that status. This came to me in a listserv as a response to a discussion that has been occurring for about a week. It seems as though many fields talk about the disconnect between academics, practitioners and citizens. I have been part of several of those conversations myself, and often think that we should just quit talking and act. The video that has since spawned a movement brought me to tears in my office today. That doesn't happen very often (unless of course I'm in trouble with Rob, haha j/k). This is one of the most inspiring things I've come across in a while. Peace can happen. Working together is possible. Loving your neighbor may be the most difficult yet also the most rewarding thing you do. I believe we need to "play for change." A family that plays together, stays together. We can be one family, we are one family. Go and be part of your own tipping point.

ON STRIKE!

2009-06-23T11:10:00.002-04:00

As per the fearless lead of Melissa Guthrie, I am hereby on strike from blogging until Rachel and Erin both post a real blog. You heard us, no fake ass blogging just because we are on strike. Real life ladies, we have all been waiting to hear your wonderful wittiness for over a year.

visitors

2009-06-21T15:56:00.022-04:00

A week ago my mom and I drove my niece and two nephews across the south to visit Clemson. My sister joined us half way through the week and stayed through the weekend. Highlights of the super busy week are:

Tree climbing

Atlanta Braves

Rally Caps

Georgia Aquarium

Reedy River and Spill the Beans

Fish Hatchery and Sliding Rocks

It was really fun to show them around my stomping grounds!

odd bird out

2009-06-18T21:31:00.006-04:00

Do you ever feel like there is some part of you that makes you the one chosen last, or possibly left out and not chosen at all. Maybe you are too tall, too loud, too quiet, maybe you are not fast enough, maybe you are not funny enough or cute enough, etc. Maybe you are a dancing penguin when you are supposed to be a singing penguin. Or maybe you are Aunt Annie, one 11 african penguin chicks that hatched at the Georgia Aquarium. African penguins mate for life, so when there are 6 females and 5 males, the odds were against Annie, not to mention she has a few ruffled feathers (and has for years).

I'm sure there are times when we all we all feel like the odd bird out. Try to recognize those moments in others. These are the times when they may need you the most, and you never know how truly blessed they may feel by your acceptance and love. Be brave, welcome them/us into your life :).
PS: the penguins aren't really out in an exhibit, we were chosen to be taken back to see them in the middle of the aquarium, that was the highlight of my trip!

First fund raiser complete

2009-06-15T18:24:00.003-04:00

Madalyn and I held our first fund raising event last Friday night. We put on a coffee house and silent auction, and as far as we are concerned it was a success. I think both of us were overwhelmed at trying to plan and implement a concert and silent auction because she has started a job at camp and I had family in town the whole week, and have been out of town every weekend since I can remember. I was in Clemson a total of one day the entire week of the concert.
That being said, the coffee house and silent auction would not have happened without the generous help, support and donations from multiple people and businesses. Thank you Sarah for your ideas, help, love, and photography. Thanks to starbucks for providing all the coffee, cups, creamer and sugar. I'm sorry to the manager who was not informed that I would be picking up the coffee day of and really appreciate your willingness to make coffee immediately. Super huge thanks to Knox, Alex, Haley and Chris and also to Erik for running sound. Amazing music!
To all the local businesses and everyone else who gave, especially Lori Morrow, The Resident Chef, Dan Anderson, Christine Drais, Carla Mora, Kirby Player, Kandace Terry, Teresa Tucker, Brian Krohn, and Brianna Clark. Your friendship and mere generosity helped us to raise about $1,400. This money will help save the lives of many currently suffering from blood related cancers. Not only that but we intimately touched the life of one girl at the show.
After Madalyn and I told a little about why this race is important to us, a girl came up to us and introduced herself. Alex was invited by Knox, just another chance to come hear him play. She had no idea that this was a benefit concert until she came upon the poster hung on the door. Alex told us that her mother has been battling leukemia for about 6 years, and she was so happy to be spending her evening there with us. Not only that, but there is a chance Alex will be joining us in this journey. In my mind, Alex's story made the evening a success. We were able to touch the life of a stranger in ways that we never knew could happen and no money in the world could replace that feeling.
And one more highlight is that my sister, niece and nephews were in town. If you click on Sarah's name above you will see David with the delicious cookie. More photos of their visit will come soon.

to top the night off

2009-06-09T23:24:00.002-04:00

I just closed my laptop and apparently shut my iphone cord in it. picked up the laptop and flung the phone across the room and it hit my nalgene bottle. guess you could say it wasn't a quiet sound in the same room where my nephews are sleeping. woops! I think I'd be better off in bed right now. thank goodness tomorrow is a new day. be brave says my friend juli!

what a day!

2009-06-09T22:30:00.008-04:00

So here's a peek at my day...

Started off well, had a good 3 mile run in the gardens. It was my first time on hills in over a month
Dentist appointment-apparently I have a cracked tooth that either needs a new filling or a crown. Lets hope for the former, otherwise I may just walk out of there with a hole in my tooth, at least until I can save some money
my nephew almost fell out the tree in my front yard. just about gave mom and I a heart attack, but good thing another branch caught him. Here's perspective, john slipped off the branch above him and fell onto the huge branch behind and below avery
got a little work done when mom and the kids went to walmart, then I had to leave to go take big bird out of the foot bath he was soaking in. no offense but if sesame street suddenly cancels we all know why
3/4 of the way there I realize I left the foil at my house
Mom met me there with another roasting pan just in case big bird (23lbs) didn't fit in monica's roaster. I got my weight lifting in for the day. good thing it was arm day
Avery and John found two eggs on the ground that a bird had laid. I told them to put the eggs back because some birds nest on the ground, no sooner than saying that John drops the egg. I tried to hold in how upset I was. It was pretty sad to see and we had a chat about how important it is to leave things alone, good news is that if big bird wasn't filling at dinner, we could have cooked that little sucker.
went to mellow mushroom for lunch, ordered a small greek salad and received a small caesar
went to hang signs about the coffee house and silent auction only to have my therapist tell me the date says 4-12. Excuse me, but OH SHIT! I spent half the afternoon thinking of all the places that already had signs and took my black sharpie to mark out white letters on a dark purple background. yes I taught program and event planning for 3 years, and no I honestly did not pay attention to the date when I looked at the sign. my worst fear is people won't show up to the event and now I've just made it all the more difficult on them. way to freaking go Carin! I did get an ice cream out of the deal, desperate times call for desperate comfort food
We went to ace hardware and the kids did not act well while we were in the store. I did get a steal of a deal on jalapeno plants, 6 for $1
mom suggested we needed to go back to walmart for a few things. it was 4:30 and dinner (aka the big bird) was at 7:00, so we opted to go home and bake the sesame bread and sweet potato souffle
mom got to work on the bread and suddenly I found more evidence of mice in the house. I can't really win around here. had to completely gut a drawer, realized that there was plenty of space for a mouse to hang out. It's war now!! But we had to focus on cooking food for dinner
turned the oven to 400 to heat up (already have had the thing fixed once), about 5 minutes after the timer went off I opened the door and it was just barely over 200. I turned the thing up to 500 to heat, then back down to 400. opened the door 10 minutes later and it said 350. needless to say the bread was undercooked
put the potatoes and butter in the mixer, turned the thing on and the butter flew out of the bowl, smacked me in the chest and fell to the floor
finally got everything in the bowl, turned it up and flung potato all over things
left the house at 6:50 with undercooked bread and uncooked potato souffle, luckily there was time at monica's to cook it
it took every ounce of everything in my being to go to dinner. all I wanted to do is curl up and hide from everyone. if mom and the kids hadn't been here I wouldn't have done it. It was tasty but I was definitely in my own little world
here's what we let rachel eat. and of course the leftovers! and yes we did eat some turkey tonight
got home and focused on the mouse drawer, it was in the kitchen this time. had to get stuff cleaned and vacuumed in order to set the trap. then mostly cleaned up the kitchen, the house is still a wreck with crap everywhere. I can't live like this, at least my crap is somewhat organized
opened up the drawer below the stove and found more evidence of mice. for the love, really! so got everything out of that drawer and set another trap. I better catch me a mouse tonight!! that's all I got to say about that!
so now it's 11:00, what I needed to get done today was the methods and results section of a journal article. I have my tables done. I'm supposed to meet with Rob and show him what I've accomplished. I think what I need to do tomorrow is check myself into a home because it's really not possible for all of this to happen to anyone else in one day
ok, well venting on the internet is good fun, gotta get to work now

Amazing

2009-05-29T11:46:00.004-04:00

I really wish I could have been in the audience to hear Paul Hawken's commencement address. Very inspiring!

From places you least expect

2009-05-28T23:33:00.002-04:00

I stopped by Dr. Waldrop's office today to thank him for making the first donation towards my team in training goal. Dr. Waldrop is a forestry professor who I hardly know. I worked on a project for him and presented the results at a conference in November. Before that I had met him a handful of times and he still could never put my name and face together. Today was the first day I've seen him since November. I just happened to walk by his office and notice he was there so I popped in to say thank you.
What transpired is a true testament to the genuine caring that you don't see very often. Dr. Waldrop told me he received a letter from someone else and he happily donated money because his wife had recently lost a friend to leukemia. Blood cancers affected his family as well. So after donating to this person he couldn't help but wonder if he knew of anyone else participating. It took him a while to navigate the website. Imagine how tough searching for someone is when you are not even sure who you are searching for. Then he smiled at me, and said "I came across your name and I knew there was no one else with that name." Isn't that the truth. FINALLY, all the years of having to spell my name out has paid off! I find it no coincidence at all that some inner feeling inside brought him to my site. It's a sweet warm feeling to know that I received my first donation from someone who went searching, not knowing what they would find, but ready to be generous and freely give to someone they hardly know.

Happy Birthday to my good friend Rachel!

2009-05-19T23:59:00.002-04:00

Make a Smilebox greeting

Hope this birthday brings you smiles and laughter! I can't wait to see what's in store for this new season of your life. I know there is amazing things ahead. Thanks for who you are. Thanks for your love, mercy and non-stop giving of yourself to others. We celebrate you today! And we'll keep celebrating you throughout the weekend :)!
(PS Click the photos left to right)

2009-05-09T23:11:00.002-04:00

I heard Mira Awad on NPR this evening. Moving away from the political ideology she simply stated that we need to look at each other as human beings. Instead of peace meaning that we must be best friends and agree on everything, it should mean that you and I are simply human and we need to treat each other in a humane way. Hmmmm, love thy neighbor as thyself comes to mind.

softly call the muster

2009-04-23T22:26:00.001-04:00

This is just a re-post of the one I deleted last week.

today we gather
today we remember
today we reminisce
today we celebrate
today we eat
today we call roll
today we honor those who have fallen

It is April 21, this day marks the single greatest tradition held by any University nation wide. "If there is an A&M man in one-hundred miles of you, you are expected to get together, eat a little, and live over the days you spent at the A&M college of Texas." During roll call this evening, Benjamin Franklin Norman III '58 was called in two locations, campus muster and here in Clemson. Family and friends hundreds of miles away answered the call with "here," because Ben is still here with us and one day we will join Ben. Ben lived in Bryan, one of his son's and his daughter were on campus tonight. Ben's other son Bill was here. Bill is a professor in our department and is one of the sole reasons I am at Clemson now. Bill was one of many present tonight who did not graduate from A&M. Hearing them talk about how special A&M is, and seeing tears come when "The Last Corps Trip" was read and when we sang "The Spirit" made me so proud to be a part of a university that binds us in life and in the celebration of those who have passed on. This is why we muster together, and why we pray that it will strengthen our God given love and friendship. We also pray that it will spread to other schools and nations, bringing a deeper bond of friendship and peace. Today it spread.

Aggie Muster Day
We gather here to mark the day Aggies proudly stand.
To honor those who've gone before to the promised land.
Each name is called upon the roll, comrades answer "Here."
Trumpets sound their sad good-bye to those we held so dear.
All heads are bowed in silent pledge never to forget.
While rifles fire their last salute echoes answer yet.
To their mem'ry we'll be true; we will take their place.
One for all and all for one ever in Thy grace.
We'll meet again another day, reunion while we pray
To ask Thy blessing on each one on this Muster day,
Aggie Muster Day. -Mrs. Earl (Margaret) Rudder

Roll Call For the Absent

In many lands and climes this April day
Proud sons of Texas A&M unite.
Our loyalty to country, school, we pray,
and seal our pact with bond of common might.

We live again those happy days of yore
on campus, field, in classroom, dorm, at drill
Fond memory brings a sigh -- but nothing more;
Now we are men and life’s a greater thrill,

On Corregidor *126 years ago today
A band of gallant Aggies, led by Moore,
Held simple rites which led to us doth all to say:
The spirit shall prevail through cannon roar.

Before we part and go upon our way,
We pause to honor those we knew so well;
The old familiar faces we miss so much today
Left cherished recollections that time cannot dispel.

Softly call the Muster,
Let comrade answer, “Here!”
Their spirits hover ‘round us
As if to bring us cheer!

Mark them ‘present’ in our hearts.
We’ll meet some other day
There is no death, but life etern
For our old friends such as they!

by Dr. John Ashton ‘06

Celebrate and abide!

2009-04-12T23:11:00.000-04:00

"He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves."

last long run before the half

2009-04-11T13:29:00.000-04:00

I set my alarm for 6:15 (I think), went to bed pretty early after a nice pasta dinner full of protein. I woke up, somehow grabbed my protein bar and ate 3/4 of it. Apparently did that in bed mostly still asleep, b/c I reset my alarm and went back to bed to digest. It's a logical place to digest that early in the morning. I got back up about 6:45, took Sydney out and did some warming up, stretched, had some beans and water, and then was out the door by 7:40ish.
Unfortunately my running partner Rachel is a little injured and had to sit this one out. I know it killed her to do it, and frankly it was hard not having her on those hills. It got even harder not having her at mile 1 when my ipod died. 9 more miles! Fabulous! What the crap? Really, NOW? After a series of questions with a few choice words I hit a fork in the road where I could go home or turn and begin mile 3 through campus, further away from home.
I took the turn and then had a pretty serious conversation with God. Silence tends to come into my life at times when I think I need it the least, but it is actually when I need it the most. As the eve of Easter is upon us, I had almost 2 hours of uninterrupted time running by several places I'm so fond of. I talked to God about myself, friends, family, and of course the task at hand. It was a beautiful morning to be outside.
However, the run wasn't all glorious. During the last mile I had some pretty intense pain, and between the brief moments of massage, I just prayed to be able to finish. I think when my legs are fatigued my form messes up and I tend to drag my feet a bit, and that causes me to unequally distribute the impact. I did finish. Other than the one really painful area in my leg, I felt ok. I felt way better than I did after any long run thus far.
And to end the morning and start the afternoon in the most glorious fashion, a dear friend came over and cooked me breakfast. Eggs with onion, garlic and feta. Pancakes with nutella and peanut butter. Coffee brought back from Uganda. We sat outside on my porch, and enjoyed the spring morning after an evening thunderstorm. What glorious fellowship and feast we had. Not to mention the much needed protein that will help me recover. Now for ice and advil :).
I have a few short runs this week, but now I just have to keep reminding myself I'm ready. I've done the preparation, and the time has come to complete this journey next Saturday. In a strange season of wondering what God is preparing me for, and why the plans I had are not materializing, my day so far has been a good way to close the season of Lent and celebrate Jesus. Happy Easter everyone!
Now I really need to go get a piece of cake, pretty sure I deserve it, and I've only been craving it for about 5 days.

The beauty of nature

2009-03-02T12:41:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I just need a little inspiration to get back behind the camera. The inspiration came today. I'm not going to say much about these photos, just let the beauty of nature capture your heart. I will however talk about the first photo. I know what you are thinking, another freaking cliche poem, we've seen/heard it a thousand times. The beautiful thing about this shot is that in a brief second I took my polarized sunglasses off my head, stuck the lens to them, pointed at the ground and clicked a shot. I was wondering if the texture of snow would appear better without the glare of the sun. Little did I know, the picture would arrive on my screen with footprints. So cliche or not, those footprints did not become apparent to me until I saw the photo on my computer, and that's how we experience God in our own way.
ENJOY!

Dance like nobody is watching

2009-03-01T21:37:00.001-05:00

It snowed today!! In a day that was a little liberating for me, I may post about speaking in church some other time, but for now I just find such joy in all the snow we received!! I ran with Sydney down to the field at Pendleton and 76. We ran and played chase, and then I just danced. It was great. It was more than great, it was so freeing to thank God for bringing me joy. So I danced like nobody was watching, only there's a big street there, and somebody was watching. Sydney and I got honked at. Actually it was probably Sydney because she's so cute. So I laughed and danced some more.

all in a week

2009-02-20T16:12:00.000-05:00

So sometimes I just have to sit back and laugh at the craziness that is my life.

Monday-can't really remember, must not have been too eventful. This is the day I started feeling ill.

Tuesday-woke up still congested, but it usually clears throughout the day.
1. I got to school late and so I had to wait in an aisle until someone left. I had one car swerve around me and deliberately cut me off to take a space I was waiting for. A second car pulled up next to me to do the same thing until I honked my horn, flung my arms and said a few expletives. "I'm older and I have more insurance." She backed down, I mean clearly I was waiting there. Of course then I was worried all day I'd go out to a car that had been keyed or had the tires slashed.
2. I worked all morning until about 1:00 on data analysis. The program crashed, I left to teach soccer, and returned at 3:30 to discover I lost all of my data analysis. My poster was due at 5:00.
3. I realized that none of my close friends from DCF would be around to celebrate my graduation, and then completely lost it. And, I have to miss a coldplay concert the same weekend. Oh, but it does get better.

Wednesday- Coughing a little worse. The best part of my week was having lunch with Erin Scott. I always enjoy are lunches together, and frankly am happy that she doesn't work in Greenville anymore so that we can have lunch. At house church we did high's and lo's. I didn't walk to talk because I didn't want to admit how upset I was/ still am. The high was no problem, of course that was surprising Suzanne for her 30th. That was huge!! Well the low was Tuesday and all the sorrow it brought. Until Thursday came.

Thursday- No better in the morning, but today was Skye and Lisa's baby shower. Meaning CAKE. Oh how things were already looking up. I made a baked brie with puff pastry. As the pastry thawed I unrolled it and it split. I thought no biggie, I'll just press it together. It seemed to work ok until it cooked and then really split. Not using my brain AT ALL, I put the cheese on a plate and held it steady until I arrived at campus. In the Brooks center lot there was no parking spaces. It was noon, the party started at noon. All of sudden my hand started getting warm. Yep, cheese, overflowing through the bottom of the foil. I dashed over to the loading dock, ran upstairs washed off, and luckily brought a few paper towels down to my car because cheese began to ooze out everywhere. I cleaned the car, grabbed everything and had to walk through one building to the other. When I got up stairs, I noticed the cheese dripping everywhere. So, standing right by the bathroom, I ran in, grabbed handfuls of paper towels and proceeded to wipe cheese off from the side of the plate into the trash. I tried to make it look as nice as possible and then ran over to the party covered in cheese stained jeans. But there was cake, and it was oh so good. white cake, raspberry filling and cream cheese frosting, mmmmmmm! Run home, clean up, go to soccer.
2. Now; try to picture how two people need to be standing in order for one of them to take a knee directly into the thigh. Not just take a knee, but take a knee so hard that it knocks you over. Ok, so now I can't walk a step without pain. Did I mention I need to run 3.5 miles that evening and 5 on Saturday. Well 3.5 didn't happen, but ice and advil did.

Friday- Oh Friday, why did you ever come? Why did I even get out of bed for you?
1. The answer to that came late in the day, but let's start with the morning. It's evident that I still can't run. Rob's lab was so terribly boring, or maybe I was just way too tired. Didn't sleep well again, and so I just had trouble staying awake. I should have had coffee instead of tea. We did get out early, about 10:20. GREAT! I had time to run to the store and get the dulce de leche and eggs I needed for my chocolate turtle cake. I also needed chocolate extract but didn't think I'd find it. Bloom, no dulce de leche, so I leave and head towards walmart. They have more food in the mexican section anyway. 2.Completely zoned, did I say lack of sleep, I see a cop on the other side of the highway, watch him complete the uturn then turn on the lights. Surely not me, there were other people in front of me. Damn, it was me, being pulled over for speeding for the first time in my life. Really, as per my status earlier in the week, I just felt numb. Was there any reason you were traveling 70 in 55. No, absolutely no reason other than the fact that I'm just tired, numb, can't even pay attention to the details of my odometer because I'm thinking, walmart, cake, post office, poster, time sheet, questionnaire, edits, seminar, finish cake, go to Leslie's house, make movie arrangements. So what did I say, geeze, I thought I had passed the 65 sign (because that justifies going 70). He asked, um so there is no emergency that you need to get to. No sir, I'm really sorry but I am completely zoned out. So he said let me see what I can do. So while he conferred with his partner I just about fell asleep on the side of the road. Probably would have helped my case out a little bit, either that or he would have thought I was on drugs and arrested me. Well in the end I was handed a ticket, but he was very nice about it and gave me 64 instead of 70, and that alone saved me $100. Anyone know exactly where I need to go? I know it's on Tiger Blvd somewhere. Oh yeah, and walmart didn't have what I needed anyway.
3.Very frustrated at this point, I forced myself to go to Bilo. Lo and behold they had the canned dulce de leche. At that point I realized had I taken the 93 exit 45 minutes ago, I would not be making cake that was now worth over $100. But I go home to begin anyway. I start to let Sydney out and happen to glance down to the recycling bin. Right there on top was the egg carton. EGGS!!!! I forgot to get eggs. I gather what wits I have left, throw Syd in the car and head to the shell station up the road. Nope, so I buck up and go back to bilo to get some eggs.
4. I baked the cake in time to run to the post office and get to campus for seminar. After the presentation I get my time sheets done and come home and ice the cake before dinner.

That's when things started turning up. Even though I forced myself to go hang with some girls for the evening, I'm glad I did. I probably only went because I had to deliver a cake, but it was good to laugh. After this week it was great to laugh, and even though none of them could see the strain on my face, or maybe they could and didn't call me on it, I had fun. Later that night I received a phone call from a friend. During that call I told her of a possible birthday trip. Then she asked me to send her some dates because her university has a loft in New York. How great is that. So I suppose it is possible for flower to emerge from a field of weeds. I get to spend tomorrow night with this same friend and I'm really looking forward it.

Running

2009-02-16T07:36:00.000-05:00

Running is such an interesting sport to me. I generally enjoy running, if I can actually say that aloud. Mostly running helps to clear my head, and I get the opportunity to listen to great music for longer periods of time. Sometimes I've been known to break out in a little dance, although I wouldn't reccommend it because it messes with form.
Currently I am training for a half marathon. Like many others before me, I'm going to lace up those shoes and hit the road, for HOURS. The thought of it makes me a little uncomfortable, but also intrigued. My body can do this, my body has to do this because I already paid for the race.
Last Saturday was a huge milestone for me. Especially after the week I had. Training the week prior occurred from Sunday-Wednesday. Sorry Rachel but I did get my sick self to the gym on Monday night, I had to. Hence one of the problems with marathon training, the feeling of must get my run in, must get my run in. Back to last week. Monday consisted of playing soccer, I'm not sure if I classify that as cross training or running just yet, but it's exercise. Tuesday was 3.5 miles. It was one of those days where you just wonder how a person, a sane person, would intentionally put their body through pain. It was pure pain, and the whole time I reminded myself if this is 3.5, how in the world will I ever do 13.1. But that's the thing about running, you get done, you hate it the whole entire time, you get some sort of mental high, and then your body tells you I can do that again. I want to do that again. Very strange.
Saturday was 5 miles. I was really nervous because the route I picked took me to McMillan road, then down to perimeter and back up 93 and around. I've never done that series of hills before, frankly it just terrified me. Two good sized hills on perimeter and then slow, slow, slow incline. I did stop twice to stretch, been having a little trouble getting my muscles stretched. Other than that I did it, and honestly I felt like dancing on Bowman, probably would have if I didn't have another mile and a half to run. I ran 5 miles and I'm going to do it again Saturday. Then 6, then 7, 8... I'm going to keep running, and keep getting healthy and keep treating my body as God had intended. It is truly worth it. Half, sure bring it on, marathon, well currently that's a different story, or maybe another chapter, we'll see.

25 random things, actually more like 27

2009-01-28T07:48:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I actually enjoyed writing 25 random things about myself on facebook. SInce I have yet to create a list on my blog, here it is. This is the 25 plus 2 recent accomplishments. Who knows I may add more random, non-incriminating things to the list.

1. I have lived in the west (Alaska), central (Texas), and eastern part of the US (South Carolina)
2. I have had 5 surgeries in my life, all while in college, and my dog has had 2. I've only been in school for 10 years, do the math. 10 years, good night I'm crazy in the head.
3. I went to 9 different schools in the same town, so I never grew up with any one person.
4. Years ago, I told my friend in college to drop a 7:00 AM racquetball class that she hated, but only after her full time requirements were met, meaning after she received her loan refund. Once she got the money, she didn't need the hour class to graduate. That's some career counseling advice!
5. I spent New Years 1999 in New Orleans. It was great fun, one of the few memorable ones. Except of course for the one that we almost missed because we were trying to get the bottle open, you know who you are.
6. Since I am the Godmother of my niece Avery, she once found it fitting to give me a wand, because every Godmother needs one.
7. I have a shoe and fleece fetish, there I said it.
8. I moved every semester in college until junior year, as a freshman I moved in and out 5 times.
9. I never want my mom's cooking when I go back to Texas, I could live off of REAL mexican, freebirds, rosa's, steak, bbq, ah, there's too many to name. I miss it, but my body is better off!
10. I was the photo editor of the 750 page yearbook at Texas A&M.
11. That's the only job I've ever been fired from, and it was over a boy, yeah there's a story.
12. I spent the summer after my first graduation road tripping around Europe with my mom, my parents lived in Norway at the time. Who really goes on a road trip with their mom? All in all it was good times.
13. I once thought I was so cool to meet Nick Nolte, until I realized nobody knew who he was.
14. I've stood at the water's edge when a killer whale came right up and rubbed it's belly on the rocks.
15. My dog Sydney has been to Alaska almost as many times as me.
16. Hopefully I'll have my PhD before I turn 30 (later this year). Although the trustworthy real age application on facebook tagged me at 26, so I guess my hopes are a definite.
17. I am a member of Punky and the Brewsters, a group who may be making another appearance later on this spring.
18. I caught the biggest fish on the "guys" fishing trip for the huge cash prize of $5.
19. I'm pretty sure I beat my youth pastor in a jalapeno eating contest, but the memory of those days isn't what it used to be.
20. My family is CRAZY, yeah I wrote all caps! But God put me with them for a reason, and I'm pretty much the coolest aunt on the planet, at least according to Avery, John and David. They are the only ones who count. I'm pretty sure my sister Cindy won it for the other two, seeing as how Isabella kept calling me Cindy over Christmas.
21. After lobbying congress several times, I have come to the conclusion that it is 20-30 year old's who really run this country.
22. My favorite cousins are from Virginia, and I just met them 3 years ago. Refer back to #16 for my age
23. I've started to enjoy running, hoping to finish my first half marathon in April, but definitely scared to tackle this feat alone.
24. My favorite animal is the penguin, everyone knows this. So it was a sad day when I discovered, the day before I was flying home, that there was a penguin parade every night in Melbourne, Australia. The little blue penguins come out of the water and go to their nests. At that point I had been there 5 months.
25. I need a job, can I just say that again, in this terrible economy, I need a job.
26. I am out of credit card debt for the rest of my life!!! It's such a great feeling to release the bond of debt, it can be suffocating. I do still have student loans, but those were a means to an end so I can work in the field I love.
27. I've been on a get healthy journey since last summer. I've lost just over 25 pounds and probably have another 10-15 to go. It's not so much about the weight for me, but more about being healthy and feeling good in my clothes. I don't know what the end weight will look like, but I'm doing it. Hence the goal of finishing a half marathon, April is the target month for me to be in the maintenance phase.

horoscopes

2008-12-13T17:47:00.000-05:00

I'm not in to horoscopes at all. I mean really how accurate can they be. Recently I was over at a friends house and she insisted to read everyone's daily piece of advice. We got to mine, and it really kind of struck of nerve, even sent a little chill up my spine. Here's me on Tuesday December 9.

You feel more comfortable giving than receiving (probably could say this to 75% of the world and it would be true), but it is essential to do both. Get relationships back in balance. Encourage others to contribute to you and tell them how they can make you happy.

Wow, if that isn't spot on at this time in my life. I think I have let every single relationship in my life slip far away recently. I have been to the depths of loneliness and sadly sought it out as my comfort. I have discovered the difference in being alone and feeling lonely. Partly because my degree has taken over my life (in both good and bad ways), and partly for a whole host of other reasons that don't need to be listed on the web. I will let ya'll into one thing going on.

It's kind of an oxymoron to battle with weight. I believe that there are scarred wounds in people who have consistently carried extra pounds most of their lives. The weight becomes another wall that is certainly easy to put up and devastatingly tough to rip away. With every pound comes a inkling of thought that somewhere deep down beauty might appear. When you find it, it is easy to still look behind for someone lurking to take it away. Thus, if I cannot recognize and come to terms with the reasons I always kept on some weight, then it will never stay off. I think that is why I am drawn to the "The Biggest Loser," both Bob and Jillian try to get the contestants to understand how they got big in the first place. The show definitely has some deeper issues that we need not delve into, mostly because several of the people who left the ranch put the weight back on. For me, it has been an up and down battle of psychology, food, and stress of life.

So this is one of the hardest things I've done, and surely nobody said it would be easy. It has been quite the journey to take on so many things when the PhD was probably enough stress to send anyone over the edge. I still have some more weight to lose and some strengthening to do, and a freaking dissertation looming over my head. Yet I'm here, skinnier, exposed, vulnerable and feeling alone, and the newspaper is saying that I need to tell people how to make me happy. Hmmm?!?! Anyone up for writing my dissertation :) haha, j/k. I do think this is a first step, it's hard for me to speak my heart/needs to people (there's the giving part coming out again), so why not us the Internet for all to see.

Book giveaway

2008-12-05T12:49:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone, my friend Juli is giving away Winn Collier's new book. Winn is also a good friend who has an amazing ability to put words down on paper. This is a must read, and to get it for free all you have to do is post a comment on Juli's blog by next Wednesday. Check it out.
http://eveningsoultide.blogspot.com/2008/12/giving-away-curiosity.html

how can it be

2008-11-29T12:00:00.000-05:00

when does this happen?
UT carries signs that say 45-35 over OU
Tech carries signs that say 39-33 over UT
OU carries signs that say 65-21 over Tech
Just from those scores alone, whose win looks best. At this point in the season I don't think anyone can top OU, but OSU is pretty hungry and they are playing OU at home.

If Tech loses, OU is out and UT is in (probably).
If Tech and OU win then OU is in (probably).
If OU loses and Tech wins then Tech is in (probably).

If Tech goes to the Big 12 championship and beats Missouri, they probably would not get a bid to the championship game over USC. If Florida beats Alabama they will get a championship bid even though all of these teams will have one loss. So when does this happen, uh it's beginning to feel like every year. If that doesn't spell out the need for a playoff, yet again, I don't know what does.

Personally, I'd like to see the Big 12 up against the SEC. We keep hearing Game Day attempt to analyze who is better; the Big 12 offense or the SEC defense. Let em' play it out!!

The comical flight from hell

2008-11-26T12:46:00.000-05:00

I left Clemson a week ago for a whirlwind trip through Memphis, Little Rock, Hot Springs and New Orleans. Atlanta was completely fogged at 10 in the morning. I went to the computer to check in and it could not find my reservation, the agent told me to go over and stand in line so that a desk agent could assist me. The line was pretty long and three people were working at the desk, yet six people were helping at the electronic check-in station, and no passengers were over there. I find that odd and a little inefficient during a weather day.
My reservation was located and I was informed my 12:00 flight was canceled and now I was on a 2:30 flight. My sister was supposed to pick me up in Little Rock so we could drive to Memphis for the weekend. As I waited, she came up with the idea that I try to switch flights and take a direct to Memphis so she could leave. I asked the gate agent whether it was possible, and she told me yes, although I'd have to go wait in the line down the hall, which was extremely long. If you haven't flown recently Delta has a new system of automatically re-booking you if your flight is canceled. They will scan your boarding pass and a new itinerary with a boarding with print in the form of a receipt. If that doesn't work you stay in line and pick up one of the black phones or call an 800 number and another person will assist you. Then you wait in line again until your new boarding pass prints, a semi-effective system.
Also, a public service announcement, if your flight is canceled due to weather related issues and you have to stay overnight, you will not be put up in a hotel. Delta will only give you a hotel voucher if your flight is canceled for mechanical reasons, good to know. So back to my story.
I finally get to the agents scanning boarding passes and I tell one of them I do not need mine scanned but needed to be re-booked on a flight to Memphis. She said they couldn't do it because it is a security risk of my luggage flying on a different airplane than me. I said I wanted my bag switched as well, and she said no. I said well people fly all the time without their bags because you lose them. Slipped out, Ooops :)! So then I turned around and grabbed one of those cards with the 800 number on it and stayed in line. I told the agent my ride had left and I need to get to Memphis, she was gone a while and then came back and said she tried to do it but couldn't because it was outside the 100 mile radius from the airport I was supposed to land out. I said how far, she said it was 130 miles, seriously. Since I was already in line, I decided to stay in line and wait to see someone at the desk, third time is the charm right. I put on my best sad face and asked really nicely for her to switch me since my initial flight was canceled. SUCCESS, I was on the Memphis flight, and she said my baggage would be switched!! I'll believe that when the bag arrives on the belt.
That flight was delayed multiple times as well, then we finally got on the plane. The captain said there was good news and bad news, we were on the flight but fuse wasn't working and they needed to get one from the hangar. It would be about 20 minutes and then they would turn off all the power to fix it and the emergency lights would come on. He said it was a great opportunity for us to see what a plane would look like if it actually lost power. Yeah, I think I'd rather not experience that up in the air, but thank you for the educational lesson. They replaced the part and the captain said, the good news is we replaced the part, the bad news is it was not the problem. We all had to deplane while they looked for another plane for us.
The pilot came up and made an announcement that nobody heard. Someone informed him that would couldn't hear so he came over to where we were sitting. He said they are still looking for another plane, but they have located a replacement part somewhere an hour or so away and they were bringing it, so we would at least be able to take off at 9pm, remember I left Clemson at 8am. Then he said our other plan is to "canibalize" another plane for the part and then we could take off earlier. UMMM, there are so many things wrong with that statement, but if we are canibalizing a plane, making it unable to fly, why not just take that plane. Nobody asked me for my logic. The last option is what actually happened, we got back on our plane. The pilot made another announcement, "Our estimated flying time is one hour, but they give us a little leeway on that time so I'm gonna fly this thing like I stole it. We're going Mike speed tonight." The comic relief was most helpful at this point in the evening, it was about 8. So we safely arrive in Memphis and my bag did not come with me, shocker. Why the heck would someone on the tarmac receive a baggage transfer request and then take 15 minutes out of their day to go digging through the belly of a plane just to find one bag and then make sure it goes in the belly of the correct plane. Geeze, I was totally a security risk since my bag flew on a separate plane than I did.
So I wore the same clothes for 2 days. In three tries to get some information on the location of my bag, I was informed that Delta had contacted the delivery company and the driver was supposed to call me. Apparently either Delta lied or the game of telephone didn't work. The driver called alright, but he called to explain how sorry he was because two bags were tagged with the same number (by Delta) and he delivered it to the wrong hotel. He figured out the mistake and corrected it on his own, and said that he was never contacted by delta or the delivery office. Hmmm.

HMMM

2008-10-21T13:29:00.001-04:00

What else can be added to my plate? Sydney had a mild seizure last night. She's fine, but it was a scary event. Funny though, all I could think of was get the camera, and record the event so I could show the vet instead of describe it to him. Classic photographer thought process.
So after a night of no sleep with Sydney being super restless (side effect of a seizure), today I was told that I need to eliminate all social activities. Not that I have been very social at all lately, but talk about insert stress here. Inject it directly into my blood stream and then take away anything that could exist and breathe in the outside world. What the hell did I sign up for again and what was I thinking?

customer service

2008-10-09T21:10:00.000-04:00

Is it me, or has customer service just plummeted around the country? I've had several experiences lately that have made me think twice about eating out, staying in a hotel, and even trusting law enforcement. Well I guess it is hard to trust them when they aren't even willing to help you out in the first place. Here's just one of my experiences.
I booked a non-smoking hotel room on Orbitz, and when I arrived the room I was given smelled so bad that I was sick after a few minutes of being in there. There were other things wrong with the room as well, but just the smoke alone was intoxicating. I went back to the receptionist and asked for another room, there were none to be had. I asked for a refund and she said she couldn't because I booked with Orbitz. I called Orbitz and reported the problem that I wasn't receiving what I paid for, they called the hotel, the same woman answered and said there was no manager available and that according to the computer she had given me a non-somking room. She wouldn't even walk down with us to smell the room, and the number she gave us to leave a message for the manager only led to unworking voicemail to which the line hung up. Orbitz said that since the hotel claims they gave me a non-smoking room they could not refund my money. I asked what I could do to prove that I was telling the truth, since the smell cannot be transferred over the phone. I could not stay in there for health reasons. They told me to take pictures of the door, if it is non-smoking there will be a sign outside. There was no sign on my room, but there was on the room next door. I called back with the news, they tried to call the hotel again, the only response I received is that they will give me a $40 credit (yeah because they want me to use their site again), but no refund because the hotel was still claiming they gave me a non-smoking room.
Now I must mention that it takes a lot to aggravate me. I have worked in just about every customer service position possible including an airport, retail, waiting tables, and at a park. I know people will complain for complaints sake, and I always try to give others the benefit of the doubt. Customer service is really difficult, it's acting at best. This night, no one seemed to care. Really in the grand scheme of things, how hard would it of been for Orbitz to eat the 160 I paid for a hotel room. So I write this to make people aware that when trips and hotels are booked on these sites, the companies will not back you up in the off chance of worst case scenario. So think twice, you might just be better off booking directly through a hotel chain or airline because then you would only have to deal with that company instead of a middle man, one who definitely did not listen to the customer in this situation.

Ike, the aftermath

2008-09-22T21:23:00.000-04:00

Please pray for the victims of Hurricane Ike. This Thursday Galveston Island will be open for people to come and see the damage. They have been told that if the house is unlivable they will only be able to look at the damage and then must leave, but there is a fear that many people will want to stay in the unsafe conditions. The city is ready to force people back out.

Here are photos the rest of the nation hasn't seen. I have so many fond memories of some of the places depicted in these photos. 55 people have been confirmed dead, it is estimate that 90,000 people on the coast stayed and many are feared to have washed out to sea and will never be found. It is bad, we don't know it but my family lived it, and these people need our prayer.

Photos

AMAZING!

2008-09-18T20:50:00.000-04:00

If ever music could change your life... turn up your volume!
http://www.nuttinbutstringz.com/

News of the decade

2008-09-08T22:31:00.000-04:00

Today I went swimming. If you don't know me then you don't know how huge this is. I swam laps. Yes folks it is the news of the decade because the last time I swam laps was 1999. Ok, so I know this is twice in ten years, but still its huge. I could have been a great swimmer, let alone a marine bilogist if not for a few minor setbacks and one major setback.
1. I'm not Michael Phelps. I know, I know, thank you captain obvious, but I'm not double jointed in my knees and elbows. So clearly I don't qualify as being part dolphin.
2. I was a little afraid of the gun. I used to stand on the block with my hands on my ears and my head between my legs. Legend has it that, even though I dove in way behind the others, I still won first place every time. Truth be told that I was the only 3-4 year old in my age group. I only found this out this year, talk about blow to the ego. I thought for years that I could have been great, yes I am great when I compete only against myself.
3. I have a disability. Sometime around the 5th grade I perforated my eardrum. Somehow many years went by (as in I was 17) before a doctor told me I needed to see a specialist. I did, went to the best in the country. 3 surgeries later what started as one hole is now 2, plus a lot of scar tissue, and major hearing loss. Thanks DOC! It is fun to go to the doctor now and have them look in my ears and act like I didn't know anything was wrong. But then it usually comes back to bite me in the ass when I become the circus spectacle and they bring in other nurses and doctors to marvel at the one and a half eardrum wonder.
My first surgery was in 1998, and spring - summer of '99 I was swimming laps. I even went to Australia and snorkeled in the Great Barrier Reef. Summer of '00 the hole came back and things went downhill from there.
Fast forward almost a decade and ear plugs don't fit correctly. So I came up with a scheme where I put a rubber ear plug in and then one of those special neoprene head wraps around my head to keep the plug in place. I was a picture of glamor out there. I would post a photo but I don't want anyone to become jealous of my fashion style.
I swam for 15 minutes and thought I was going to die! 10 years will take a lot out of form and lung power. Plus I need goggles that won't fill with water. ok, it won't all come back at once, but today was a good life changing day.

true story

2008-08-23T22:19:00.000-04:00

Tonight Stacey and I ventured to walmart. She needed a few things and I found a couple things I couldn't live without. At some point during our adventure Stacey looked down and said this isn't our basket. How in the world someone could leave their basket and pick up another one and not realize it until about 5 minutes later, yeah I can't answer that. We left our basket with about 5 things in it and picked up another that was packed full. You would of thought Stacey could notice the weight difference. I couldn't stop laughing as we left the full basket in the middle of the aisle and wandered up and down up other aisles looking for our basket. I was kind of hoping it wasn't our mistake, but alas our lonely basket was still waiting where we left it. I'm not usually a basket stealer, I think I need a break!

check this out

2008-08-16T11:41:00.000-04:00

It will make you smile
http://videos.komando.com/2008/07/29/baby-moose-in-sprinkler/

stories

2008-08-09T20:39:00.000-04:00

I love the olympics, and one thing I love the most is the stories. I like to know about the athletes lives and how they conquered the impossible to make the team. One story that captured my heart this year is about a boy who isn't even an athlete. This nine year old boy walked out at the opening ceremonies waving the Chinese and Olympic flags. This boy walked with the flag bearer, Yao Ming. Earlier this year when the devastating earthquake hit, this young boy was at school. The school collapsed killing many of his classmates, yet this boy was able to get out from under the rubble, and then he went back and pulled two classmates out before help arrived. When asked why he did it he said, "I am the hall monitor, it's my job to help people." Gosh I wish more people were hall monitors when they were younger.

Juice

2008-08-04T21:42:00.001-04:00

Lately I've been searching for some sense of peace in my life. The feeling of peace has been few and far between, actually really far away. Sunday, for a moment, I had a glimpse. I wasn't even supposed to be at church on Sunday. In fact some things happened that led me back to Clemson for the weekend, and I had the urge to stay home, alone in my room. But I fought that urge, and pushed myself to go. After getting the children's room situated, Suzanne asked me to serve communion. It was my first opportunity to serve. At the end of Stuart's talk, he called up the deacon's. He handed me the juice and I turned to the small crowd. Feeling a little vulnerable up there in front of everyone, one by one they came. Each person dipped their bread into the juice and when they lifted it out I watched as drops of juice slowly dripped off. I watched as those drops splashed back into the bowl and then looked up into the eyes of those partaking. Those drops of blood were the price that was paid for me, for us, and for one of the few times this summer I was completely at peace up there. Thank you Suzanne for unknowingly passing that peace onto me.

Not the typical time off

2008-08-02T21:05:00.000-04:00

I was supposed to have surgery this week. That didn't happen so I decided to head down to Alabama and stay in a townhome of a family friend. Here's the synopsis of the interesting trip.
I watched the Elmore kiddos before heading out of town. The dogs sure had fun, at least until they were assaulted with tennis rackets and kids jumping on backs. It wasn't that bad, but the look on the dogs faces was classic "why are you doing this to me?" Sydney sure forgave Jackson when snack time came around. I think they are BFF!

Drive down to Fairhope Tuesday afternoon
Stop in Montgomery for dinner, the following photo is significant to Texans, mainly because until a couple years ago Whataburger didn't exist outside of Texas. It was fabulous.

Arrive late and go to bed, wake up at 6 b/c of the time change. Spend Wednesday reading by the pool and taking some photos.

Sunset was gorgeous!

Thursday: Head out to the beach. Spend the morning in an amazing thunderstorm, and decide which beaches I'll return to on a sunny day. I drove by a tattoo place and decide that's what I need to make this work break complete. Then I changed my mind and thought I better not jeopardize my surgery next week :(, bummer. I stopped at Lulu's for lunch.
Lulu's: Owned by Lucy Buffet (AKA Jimmy Buffet's sister). I'm perfectly fine eating by myself until the following happens. I walk up to the hostess. "May I help you," "Yes I would like to have lunch," "just one (high pitched question)," "um no my friend mack here will be joining me," she turns around with no one near her "Mandy one hear for table 22." SERIOUSLY!!!! I'm alone, I get it and I like it, at least until others act like that!!! The manager who was walking around making sure everyone was having a great time, yeah she never stopped at my table. Ok, I'm over it.

I stopped at the outlet center on the way back to the house. I bought a few things, got back and decided I didn't really need what I bought so I would return it when I went back to the beach. I lay down on the couch for a nap before starting to write. The phone rings and wakes me up, I didn't answer it but got a weird feeling in my stomach. The doorbell rings, as I'm heading downstairs the door is opening and a woman says "someone is here". Then I got a big pit in my stomach. Damn right someone is here, I have permission to be here. Apparently so did they, not by the owners, but by the brother. How could we both have permission to be here, this was my time. They stood there saying they confirmed it, this weekend. SHIT! My papers and articles were all spread out in neat piles so I could access them when needed. I was working and relaxing here and didn't need any strangers bothering me. They were so taken aback that I was there so I said I'd leave, mind you it is about 4:30-5:00. The wife felt so bad she said I didn't have to leave tonight, they would just go enjoy the town that evening so they wouldn't bother me. I packed up my bags, loaded the car, and read until I fell asleep.

I woke up at 6:00 again, washed the sheets and towels and left to go return the items at the outlet store. I was early and they weren't open, so I waited in the car with the radio on. As i turned off the car it made a strange noise. I turned the key over and it was dead. Unfortunately security at these places are not allowed to jump vehicles Clearly offering help to stranded people is way too much of a security risk, and let me tell you I'm one firecracker who could cause a scene. Come on, really! So I loitered around asking people if they would be so kind to jump my car and luckily came upon a family who saw the distress in my eyes. The father jumped my car and I drove directly to walmart, they only had one battery left that would fit my car. At least I lucked out on that end! Back on the road, back to whataburger, and then I was home, and my body hurts.

So to recap:
2 days in the car, actually 3 counting the rainy morning where I was scoping out beaches
1 day at the pool
1 movie; mama mia (Stay for the credits, hilarious)
Some amazing pelicans, woodpeckers and shore birds
2 beautiful sunsets
1 exciting thunderstorm
1 almost tattoo, soon to come after surgery
1 starbucks where there was no internet, I really needed internet b/c I paid for it the day before and couldn't even use my 24 hours, so I had to go next door to books a million where it said free wifi, yeah right there is always a catch... $3 later
9 armadillos (road kill of course, when else do you see them)
People interrupting my relaxation time
1 dead battery, 1 jump and 1 new battery
2 whataburger stops
2 stops at the Tanger Outlet, I guess 3 because I had to get out and walk at Commerce and definitely get some coffee, although starbucks is not high on my list of favorite places at this moment. Too bad I have a gift card to use up.

The time is near

2008-07-20T20:59:00.001-04:00

Today was not the first nor the last day of many tears shed in our community. Although both of our pastors are being called to move on and spread their ministry elsewhere, the ripple effect of their time here will continue forever. DCF is a community. It is a place where you come as you are, but your life will be changed forever. My path has drastically altered and I can finally seek after the work God is preparing for me. Many people have been a part of this process in the past two years but for now I will focus on nine.

Winn: The way the Holy Spirit echoes as you speak is breathtaking. Your words etch meaning into my soul. Your honesty, and open love for Miska is something women dream of. Your openness and accepting of the shoe drive idea actually surprised me. I guess I didn't expect you to say that you loved the idea, and oh how it did fit in the living generously series. Hopefully another DCF tradition, as it did happen once. One of my most memorable moments is that you called me when you arrived in Pennsylvania to let me know that you dropped off the shoes. I am so grateful that you cared enough to include me to to the end. Your thoughtfulness means so much to me.

Miska: Your presence in my life has allowed me to open up to others. I have been willing to seek healing for the deep wounds that I suppressed for so long and have even shared my story with others in our community. One day I look forward to giving you the rest of it, and that's huge. I think grace is perfect word to describe you. Your femininity explodes forth into the world and emits a beauty like no other I've come across. Any woman who has the opportunity to know you and learn from you is blessed beyond belief.

Nathan: Your talk on how Satan destroys came at just the right time in my life. I can't thank you enough for your words and humor. I know it was said today but your ability to articulate different ideas and your use of metaphors, stories and sheer honesty and sometimes controversial ideas definitely force people to think. I love how you can transform thoughts of others by questioning everything, and I admire your willingness to confirm your beliefs by living Christ like and inviting those who are different to be a part of your life.

Amie: Your gentleness and quietness brings peace into a room full of excited children, and that's tough to do. You want to know people you recently took the time to get to know me a little more, even when your departure was on the horizon. We came to Clemson at the same time, and my journey began under a pretty rocky time, but has transformed into a loving environment that I could never have dreamed of. I'm so thankful to have gotten to know you in a time of your life when you were able to just be yourself, as I have also felt the ability to be myself in the last two years. I'm so grateful for all of the help you gave me this summer. When most everything else has been chaos, you have stepped in to help with the children and been so patient as I have changed the schedule around multiple times.

Wyatt, Seth, Camden, Kate and Jackson: Many of you began your lives in Clemson. I fear you will have little memories of this home besides the photos and stories that are shared throughout the years. Know this, you are loved by hundreds people in this small town. My family is far away and I miss my nieces and nephews tremendously, but spending time with you helps to get the kid time in, and you have become my family. Every weekend was a new opportunity to laugh, wipe away tears, teach each other, pray with you, hear you pray for each other, and watch you draw, paint, sing and dance. I think my favorite memory is the Christmas play, probably a first for most of you, but just too cute for words. One day ask your parents what happened near the end "The Bible says...", or just watch the videos that are probably floating around on Youtube :).

The great thing about life is that we have the ability to influence others and when people move on they spread those influences like wildfire. As the season of DCF changes this year, I am comforted to know that your impact on this community is spreading across the country and even the world. For those like myself, we will remain behind and welcome in a new group of freshman. I pray for your journey, that you will quickly build a new community in both Charlottesville and Richmond. I am blessed by the time I've spent with you, so the only thing left to say once again is thank you, and peace to you.

Home

2008-07-10T22:34:00.000-04:00

A man I met only once has returned home. Last week I attended the funeral of George B. Hartzog Jr. Mr. Hartzog was born in a small town outside of Charleston, SC. He was raised on a farm. He was a self educated attorney having passed the bar without ever stepping foot in a law class. He was director of the National Park Service in the 60's and just about doubled the size of the parks.
Mr. Hartzog spent his life serving others. He had the ability to touch and inspire everyone to pay it forward. He embraced equality by naming the first African American superintendent and also promoting women. He believed that urban areas should have parks so that the children could have a place to play.
Even more than that, Mr. Hartzog lived to serve the Lord. He was appointed a preacher of the Methodist church at 17. I could feel the warmth and love from the moment I walked into the Hartzog home. Before I was a stranger and I left a family member. I heard stories of their children. I heard stories about his directorship, stories that would usually be told over Thanksgiving dinner. We ate a simple lunch, prepared especially for us by Helen, his wife who also lived in service, caring for George until the end.
Mr. Hartzog used his spiritual gifts to the utmost, and at the age of 88 he was called home. The service was performed by his twin son and daughter. His daughter Nancy told me they came back to South Carolina, to a church where George Sr, George Jr. and now George the third have all preached in. Even the "fourth" child Muffin came to the service. Although his body was tired and laid to rest, his spirit has moved on and I can only imagine his welcome home. Well done son, to which George probably said "thank you very much."

Paranoia

2008-07-10T00:26:00.000-04:00

Currently I can connect the dots among the eight insect bites on my right knee. HMMM! At this point I have gone to great links to prevent any bites from happening, at least around the knee. I have purchased copious amount of repellent, a pair of buzz off pants (luckily I got them on sale), and even now wrap an ace bandage around my knee. Besides that I have to put on prescription ointment 4 times a day. All in an effort to be ready for surgery. I think I'm the only person on the planet that works in the forest part of the time, yet is completely paranoid about going outside.
And if the flying ones weren't enough, I did the little fire ant dance today. You know the one where you instantly realize you are standing on a mound and the entire mound is on your feet. You wave your arms to swipe them off while raising your feet up and down shaking them while in the air. Frankly it's a little ape like dance that I did today. Just when you think you've gotten them all off, you feel the sting of another but can't seem to get to it and knock it off. Strange how the little buggers can cause so much pain and inflammation. Tomorrow it's game on, new buzz off pants and new repellent. I'll win this war!

Damn the luck

2008-06-30T10:55:00.000-04:00

Well since I'm writing this at 10:56 on Monday the 30th that means my surgery didn't happen. I want to know if anyone in the world has been sent home from surgery for insect bites. REALLY! Currently I have 17 bites just on my legs, and from what we can gather it is at least three different kinds of insects. The main problem is one of my bites happens to be on the incision line if the ACL surgery were needed. Now this should have been caught by the physicians assistant last week, and then I wouldn't have had an unnecessary IV for an hour.
They did give me some medicine to relax me and according to the doc's examine today he's now thinking acl is more likely going to happen. Well at least I know. I could say a whole long list of cuss words right here but I'll keep it to the good news.

They gave me some apple juice.
I got to eat. The specific words of the nurse were "At least McDonald's is still serving breakfast."
I got to put off the nausea that always happens after surgery.
I will be in my new house which is much more accessible (there was a slight fear of falling backwards on my sidewalk).
I can be more help to pack my house and move stuff.
They refunded my credit card, but I'm sure the charges for today will end up on some bill along the way. CLEARLY I'm not that lucky.
My deductible is payed through the middle of august, so hopefully they'll squeeze me in before that, who I am kidding, my insurance sucks so I'll be paying out the wa-zoo anyway!

Well that's all the good things I can think of, I'm going back to work! To all the biting insects in this world, it's war!

Losing a Friend

2008-06-24T09:42:00.001-04:00

Click on the image if you can't read it!

My life as a soap opera

2008-06-19T21:49:00.000-04:00

Even if I wrote the script myself, it wouldn't play out as well as my own life. Some how strange things have a way of finding me.
Two nights ago it was about 12:30 AM, my doorbell rang. The lights in my house are all out. Sydney starts to bark under her breath, vicious little attack dog I have, well actually that statement may be true. Who the heck is ringing my doorbell at this hour on Wednesday night. Stacey knocks on my door and asks if I heard the doorbell. Well of course, I was in a deep sleep, I only know this because it startled me, and sadly I don't enter a deep sleep too often these days. She said she was going to answer it, and wanted me to come. HELLO, are we crazy!!! I think so!
She turns on the light and looks out the window, looks back at me and says it's a girl, young one at that. Now I didn't know she had a dog with her or I would have grabbed Sydney and put her up, she's unpredictable around dogs. Not even thinking about that Stacey opened the door. Of course the inevitable happened and Sydney lunged at the other dog and locked onto the neck. As I'm pulling Sydney off the other dog turns around and bites me in the back of the hand, second time I've been bitten by a dog in a month, perfect. So the reason the girl knocked on the door was that she wanted to inform us that our driveway and the lower part of our yard were flooded. Can we really call in the city to fix a hole in the water line? I'm sure it sounded like a wonderful idea for her to walk up to a pitch black house and ring the door bell, you know in the intoxicated state she was in (and we're talking 16-17 years old).
Pissed doesn't even describe the state I was in, mad at this girl for waking someone up who doesn't ever sleep anyway, mad at my dog for having this hatred against other dogs (but it's only random, not every dog gets the wrath of Sydney and it only happens when I'm around), and so I was mad at myself because I know that my dog is expressing something that's inside of me that I can't seem to get right in my life.
I cleaned out the wound as best I could then iced the hand and lay on the couch for a couple hours, unable to relax, then moved to the bedroom for more of the same. Syd's lucky I even let her in the room although she knew not to come try to cheer me up. So yesterday I was comatose. Even with taking 2 naps I just couldn't get my body to move. I think partly out of disbelief, did everything I think happen, or was it just a dream. The sore swollen hand tells it all.
I think I need to write a book, A day in the Life... but for now we'll just shut the door on this episode and say that many more exciting adventures lay ahead.
If anyone has any suggestions on the dog issue, I'm all ears. I've been working with her and myself for that matter, but I haven't quite figured the issue out. We'll get there, I have faith in that.

Traveling

2008-06-12T15:52:00.001-04:00

Now I know we've all had our travel tales to tell. Little sleep the night before for fear that you will miss your flight. Flights delayed, lost luggage, and on and on. Unfortunately for us, all of those things tend to happen on the same day. Some of my colleagues and I traveled up to Vermont for a conference this passed week. Of course I'm always excited to visit new places and filled with anticipation of how my presentation will go, and the least of my worries should be travel to the location.
On this day, I was a little more groggy than usual, not surprising that I didn't sleep well the night before. Driving to Charlotte was tough at 6 am, but uneventful. I checked in, arrived at the gate where they asked for volunteers because the flight was oversold. At that point I didn't have to arrive at a specific time so I jumped up and volunteered. Hey, a free ticket was totally worth it for a person whose bags are always packed. I waited until the flight was boarded and then the agent apologized and said I wasn't needed. I think I should have been given a free ticket for my enthusiasm and willingness to help out, but no luck. When I got on the plane, people were still in line with the travel gaze in their eyes looking forward and backward as the flight attendant was announcing there's no more room for luggage we'll have to check your bag to your final destination. I look at my backpack and my small wheeled briefcase and immediately thought the briefcase has to go. I walked out onto the bridge and the agent wrote the flight number and gave me the carbon copy. I asked where I get my bag, he said baggage claim and I said but I'm not going to baggage claim in New York, I'm flying to Vermont. A little annoyed at the extra work I made him do, he had to write the Burlington flight number on there. As he started to wrap the tag around the briefcase I made a last minute decision and yelled out NO! I know what now? My computer with my presentation on it was in there, and in the off chance the bag didn't make it, I'd be up a creek with out a paddle. Luckily I remembered to take my purse out of my backpack. Back to the plane, and someone was in my seat, maybe they needed me to volunteer after all. No such luck but I did get the bulkhead seat because the guy didn't want to move. Thank you to the stranger out there who gave me a foot more room in my seat.
So we make it to New York. A little traveling piece of advice, NEVER book a layover in a city that you are dying to visit! We flew over town and central park, at which point I almost decided to use my seat cushion as floatation device (air not water) and exit the aircraft. We get to the gate and realize that we are delayed because of bad weather up north. Can't control weather so we were fine, but still not enough time to venture into the city. The agent says we'll get an update at 1:20, liar. So I used to work for an airline, and there are a few tactics used to calm people down and keep them away. My suggestion, try to stay calm because escalating the situation doesn't help. Anyway cnn was on and an update on severe weather comes up. Uh oh, the northeast specifically the area we are flying to is under a tornado watch until 6PM. Not good news, at this point it is almost 2, but just after that broadcast was over the agent came on and said we are now ready to board. WHAT!?!?! We left, and this flight was definitely not for the weak stomachs. We flew over Lake Champlain and I swear the airplane was going to roll over and I was going to need that cushion after all. The wind was just ripping across the lake and I kept thinking, just clear the lake, just clear the lake. As if we would have been in a better position if the airplane had started rolling over land instead of the lake. So we landed, and no my backpack did not land with us. Come to find out, the nice observant agent wrote new york in the line that says final destination via burlington. Hmmm, logical, I think not. So later on that evening we were finishing up a session and not allowed to leave the building because a tornado cell had been seen forming over lake champlain. I think I could have lived the rest of my life without hearing that last bit of information, but I am safe, and yes I did get my bag the next day.

Apples and Cookies

2008-06-05T13:11:00.000-04:00

Lessons can be learned from apples and cookies. In Scandalous Freedom Steve Brown said this. "Mason's comments remind me of a convent school where a basket of apples sat on the dining-room table. A note under the basket said, "Take only one. God is watching."
At the other end of the dining room sat another basket filled with chocolate-chip cookies. In a child's handwriting, a note under the basket read: "Take all the cookies you want. God is watching the apples."
...God is really watching the apples and the cookies. In fact, he made them for you and will be offended if you don't try them. He may even enjoy a few himself."

Beauty

2008-06-03T22:59:00.001-04:00

One of my jobs as a research assistant is managing a National Forest service project for the state of South Carolina. We go out and park our cars on roads, in campgrounds, picnic areas, near trail heads and boat launches. Our job is to sit for six hours and survey exiting visitors.
Although sometimes cumbersome and lonely, I'm out in the element. We go out rain or shine and wait. As I recall many of these uneventful days, I had the chance to sit and discover the beauties of God's creation. The morning fog rolls along the top of the lake. The butterfly fritters along until it finds a spot to land. The Canada geese sound as the take flight and soar just above the surface of the lake. The turtles almost go unnoticed as they sun themselves on a fallen log, that is until the children run by laughing. At that point they slowly slip back under their liquid haven. The fly is annoying me as it buzzes near my head, but without that fly the symphony of nature would not be complete. The beauty of nature resonates deep within my core, leaving me breathless. It happens often and I feel so connected yet also so far apart from it.
It's strange to me that I can see the beauty in everything but myself. As I read the book Captivating, I'm taken aback at the raw distorted image of myself. FYI, not a good idea to pick this book up and start reading it in front of a crowd of people, oh say, in an airplane :). In my life, beauty in women has existed in a far away place, a place where it would be nice to be, but never really possible to reach. It's nice to read that I'm not alone in this mess. In fact I think most women struggle with feeling beauty from within. Spending so much time in nature, where beauty exists to me, does not fill the void in my soul. It definitely helps because there is no way a cardinal is going to land on my shoulder and tell me that I won't amount to anything. Where does that leave me, well I suppose like others that I'm a work in progress.

A first for me

2008-05-14T16:12:00.000-04:00

So I'm about to head over to a friend's house where I will give my head over to her and let her cut my hair. I've never had a friend cut my hair before, and frankly I'm a little nervous. Is there something wrong with getting your hair cut for free, as opposed to paying 25-100 dollars for it. I'm always on the $25 end by the way. In this strange world we live in, it seems that the more you pay for something, then the better off it will be. So does that mean I'm getting my money's worth out of this. Well, we'll just have to find out in an hour. I'm coming over now, it's time to work your magic, because I definitely need it.

I got skillz

2008-05-03T21:46:00.000-04:00

So this week was nothing out of the ordinary. Molly keeps getting out of the fence as per usual, but on Wednesday in no less than 5 minutes I received 3 phone calls, a text message and an email. All this happened just after I heated up my leftovers and sat down at my desk to eat. The message, Sydney was out and running the neighborhood. I run (well as quick as I can without doing further damage) out of my office, lunch still sitting there. I get the last of the calls as I'm out the door. One of the neighbors on Riggs saw Sydney and Molly running toward college so she yelled at them, put them in her car, checked the tags on Molly's collar (Syd didn't have her collar on), called Stacey, got my number, then called me to report the dogs were safe and secure in the backseat of her car and she was in my driveway. WOW, in a world where many people are out only thinking of the next thing on their agenda, this women opened up her heart and her car to our puppies. I'm forever grateful for the amount of worry she saved me that day.
Now to the skillz! I was so upset thinking that Molly had taught Sydney how to escape, the Houdini dog that we have. Nope Sydney figured her own way out. Seeing Molly in the front yard, she decided to make a flying leap through the screen porch. How she ever figured that out is anyones guess. So at noon I'm left with food still back on my desk, thanking one of the kindest strangers I've ever met, and staring at a hole in my screen. The only thing to do is fix it. So I stopped back by the office to grab my lunch, all the while mumbling that my work would have to be put off another day as I prepare myself for a Lowe's adventure. My friend Wade volunteered to come help, but he couldn't come until 8. So about 20 or so till, I decide to tackle it alone. I pulled off old wood slats, not breaking a single one, and started to rip out the old screen. By this time Wade had shown up and quickly helped to finish the job and screw in the lattice I bought for the inside of the porch, just to be sure syd won't be a repeat offender. But I realized that I could have easily done the whole thing myself, and that feels pretty good.

Spring time

2008-04-03T18:47:00.001-04:00

I haven't written in a while for many reasons. It's hard to force myself to sit and write when I feel little words coming out. I find that ironic to say as I sit in an office where the only thing I'm supposed to be doing is putting words onto a page. The month of March was a time in my life where I experienced every emotion conceivable. Everything from love, happiness, excitement, and wonder to pain, fear, sadness and even rage. It's exhausting just to think about.

In my internal battle to find peace I am searching for signs of light and hope. What a better time to search your soul than spring. This is the time of new life. However, we just had a slight change in the weather today, as in it dropped about 15 degrees, but its supposed to jump up again tomorrow. Strange!
The groundhogs are back out scampering around. The birds are back to wake me up at the crack of dawn, not that I'm sleeping anyway. The frogs are calling outside near the ponds. Last week I had the most amazing experience with a red tailed hawk. I know they live on campus, but I had a close encounter. While on the phone outside Lehotsky one flew down to try and catch some lunch, then landed in a place where I could not see it. Then it began to call, a beautiful song that only hawks would understand, but it drew me in closer. I walked around the corner and saw this huge bird perched on the lowest branch of the tree. Amazing!

Finally, the buds are blooming. See for yourself. The dogwoods just came out in the past few days, yeah! Oh it sure does make me miss the bluebonnets and Indian paintbrushes, but I did see them this month :). As I contemplate the mixed emotions that occur every time I take a step into my house, sometimes I find more peace in not opening the door. Just outside, from my porch steps I can sit and watch new life popping up everyday. With that view, there is hope that it will happen inside me very soon.

In less than one week the buds turned into flowers

Little acts of generosity

2008-03-09T21:13:00.000-04:00

Today was an amazing day for me. DCF participated in a shoe drive for the soles 4 souls organization. I was so excited to watch person after person walk in the door ready to take their shoes off and leave them at the door in an act of worship. Even the children were involved, leaving their shoes at the foot of the table, the table where we share communion every week.
But I have to say there is two moments of today that will forever stick out in my mind. Just before we prayed I asked people to stay behind and help me put rubber bands aroung the pairs of shoes brought in bags. Just as quickly as we ended, I watched as the band joined together on the stage with the bags that were nearby. I looked out the window and saw a line of people actively putting rubber bands around the shoes that were in the bags lining the wall outside. These are just shoes, but today I saw the love that exists in our community. I saw the willingness to bring communities together world wide, and I was so full of joy. Small acts of generosity add up to makes waves in the world, and I felt the pulse today.
The other moment that was so beautiful happened at lunch. While standing in line to order a mere sandwich at Quizno's, I looked over at my friend Erin and noticed her feet, only covered in socks. Like many before her today, Erin took off her shoes and walked out the door. Unlike many, she walked shoeless downtown. It was a picture perfect moment to see Erin continue to worship through lunch, to taste only a brief moment in time of what it would be like to live without shoes.

Strength

2008-02-26T19:58:00.000-05:00

I need strength, I need help, and I need healing to get through this week.

Time

2008-02-21T22:03:00.000-05:00

Well if you read the previous post, this is an extension to that evening. Last night was just Sydney and myself. Lately I haven't been able to spend some quality time with her so I thought what a good idea it would be to take her on the front porch and play ball while watching the eclipse. We played for a while until I decided we might possibly wake the neighbors, plus it was a bit distracting to have her staring at me saying throw the ball, ball, is that a ball, throw the ball etc.
I put the ball up and then grabbed her dog bed and brought it outside. She laid down in the bed and enjoyed a nice belly rub while I watched the moon. Kind of ironic that two things ran through my head during that first 10-15 minutes of being outside. First of all how much I longed for a digital slr so I could capture this beauty and share it with others for years to come. In reality the image would probably go on some external hard drive and sit there, never to be seen by anyone. The second thought was an attempt to write poetry in my head, not for my enjoyment of the moment, but to be the one who comes up with some great blog entry. What an ironic time for these thoughts to cross my mind because Winn just spoke on time this weekend. Why is it that everytime something incredible happens in front of me, the first thought that runs through my mind is I wish I had my camera? Why do I long to imprint the beauty so I can share it with the world instead of keeping it in my head and releshing in that moment in time?
After reviewing those outlandish thoughts I ended up lying down with my head near Sydney's and I just prayed that God would quiet my heart. I sought stillness in the night, I sought comfort in spending an hour with my dog who acted like she longed for me to come home all day. Strangely enough, on this night of darkness, a night where the stars were out in force, I also sought light.
For a while now, even last night, I've had such a difficult time quieting my heart in prayer. My soul was stirring, but my body was quiet, so hopefully soon they'll sync together. I wasn't fully in the moment during this beautiful peaceful evening on my porch, but I took the time to sit and watch, to sit and wait, to sit and hope, and to sit and love. And that my friends is a rare moment in time.