I'm not in to horoscopes at all. I mean really how accurate can they be. Recently I was over at a friends house and she insisted to read everyone's daily piece of advice. We got to mine, and it really kind of struck of nerve, even sent a little chill up my spine. Here's me on Tuesday December 9.

You feel more comfortable giving than receiving (probably could say this to 75% of the world and it would be true), but it is essential to do both. Get relationships back in balance. Encourage others to contribute to you and tell them how they can make you happy.

Wow, if that isn't spot on at this time in my life. I think I have let every single relationship in my life slip far away recently. I have been to the depths of loneliness and sadly sought it out as my comfort. I have discovered the difference in being alone and feeling lonely. Partly because my degree has taken over my life (in both good and bad ways), and partly for a whole host of other reasons that don't need to be listed on the web. I will let ya'll into one thing going on.

It's kind of an oxymoron to battle with weight. I believe that there are scarred wounds in people who have consistently carried extra pounds most of their lives. The weight becomes another wall that is certainly easy to put up and devastatingly tough to rip away. With every pound comes a inkling of thought that somewhere deep down beauty might appear. When you find it, it is easy to still look behind for someone lurking to take it away. Thus, if I cannot recognize and come to terms with the reasons I always kept on some weight, then it will never stay off. I think that is why I am drawn to the "The Biggest Loser," both Bob and Jillian try to get the contestants to understand how they got big in the first place. The show definitely has some deeper issues that we need not delve into, mostly because several of the people who left the ranch put the weight back on. For me, it has been an up and down battle of psychology, food, and stress of life.

So this is one of the hardest things I've done, and surely nobody said it would be easy. It has been quite the journey to take on so many things when the PhD was probably enough stress to send anyone over the edge. I still have some more weight to lose and some strengthening to do, and a freaking dissertation looming over my head. Yet I'm here, skinnier, exposed, vulnerable and feeling alone, and the newspaper is saying that I need to tell people how to make me happy. Hmmm?!?! Anyone up for writing my dissertation :) haha, j/k. I do think this is a first step, it's hard for me to speak my heart/needs to people (there's the giving part coming out again), so why not us the Internet for all to see.